Weird deep thoughts tonight..
I don't understand how people so often get rattled by the truism "if something is meant to be, it will." Think about it, it is a fool-proof, somewhat cop-out of a statement for validation. If time is perceived as linear, we are currently on a certain notch of our visualized timeline right now. I'm in between my 19th and 20th notch, each notch symbolizing how many years I've "lived" (the socially-adapted definition of the world 'lived' of course). That means that the timeline is perceivable by NO mortal forces, yet can still be perceived. We just don't get to see the full timeline until we die. We can jump back notches on the timeline by visiting our memory's database. Whether we can jump forward in time is inconclusive, though... The argument to BEING able to move forward through time is the extraordinary sensation of 'deja vu.' At times we feel as though we have lived a certain moment before, and maybe we have... we'll never know how to distinguish the sensation with something like virtualization or our mind reenacting pieces of various settings and conflicts that have taken place over the length of our prior lives. But, like all you women quote on Twitter, if something is meant to happen it DOES. I work at Target. Therefore, I was meant to work there. I was meant to interact with elderly women who come through my check-out line, I was meant to bring in carts, I was even meant to clean human shit off the floor.
Think about all of the places in the world you could be living in right now...
What if your parents didn't decide to fuck on that Valentine's day, they waited until Christmas instead. You were born in a different year, and were put in a different grade level for school. You made friends with a different group, you dated a different girl, you landed a different job. It's hard to NOT believe that here is the existence of multiple other spectrums in time in which all the possible scenarios that YOU have gone through, have been altered a little bit. Every single decision you have made has put you in the place you were at. Any small decision, even to drink Orange Juice three minutes later than you did on September 10th, 2005, would change you somehow. It would change the way the Earth and it's people coexisted.
I'm happy where I'm at, but also aware of where I could be.
Sorry for the cryptic ass post.
-Jack
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
20 Questions
Lately I've been feeling like I'm playing a round of 20 Questions . For those that aren't familiar with the toy aisle at Target, 20 Questions is a pocket-sized electronic game in which you think of a tangible object, and the screen flashes up with 20 different questions. You answer each question with a "Yes" "No" or "Sometimes" and the game tries to guess the object you are thinking of. SPOILER ALERT: the game was not developed by the porn industry, thus does not have the answer "penis" "vagina" "clitoris" "testicles" or anything of that nature in its database (buzzkill, i know).
I don't know why, but I have become particularly irritated the last couple days by feeling like I constantly need to explain myself to random people through their (sometimes deprecatingly asked) questions. In the words of Kanye, "that's that shit i don't like." I don't consider myself a deviously secretive person at all, but the level of monotony in people's questions (even as trivial a question as "How was your first year at school?!") has begun to annoy. So... I'm gonna play a game of 20 questions with myself. Partially, so you guys will stop badgering me... partially, because I miss Formspring. These questions both include shit that i HAVE been asked the last week or so, and shit that i just made up because i needed to fill the void of the remaining questions. Here we go punks..
1. Who do i like? Nobody. Glad that's out of the way..
2. Why do i seem so angry in my tweets? Mainly because when i tweet, i don't intend to be orating to an audience. Like, if the 1,000 followers of mine were in a gymnasium and i had to give a speech, i would NOT talk about stuff like..pooping. haha, I mean i think i just forget that people actually read the shit i post, mainly i just tweet to vent. Sort of like my blog... sorry if i offend you guys with my tweets.
3. Do i still talk to my ex? Yeah, from time to time. We're civil and i still think very highly of her, she's tight!
4. Why do i want to get a tattoo? One, because I've dealt with a lot of deaths of people that are close to me this year. Two, (and less importantly), because I think they look cool. Maybe that's vain of me, but it's the truth.
5. Who are my subtweets about? Probably you, if you think it is.
6. Why do i want to quit music? It is extremely tiresome and is giving me a bad persona. People think i'm a dick because of some of the music i make, and i don't like that. I'm a nice guy, with a good family that was raised well, and i don't intend to portray myself in any other manner. Once again, sorry.
7. Am i okay? Yeah. I'm awesome
8. How many people have i had sex with? One... unless you count head as sex, too. Haha
9. Who am i hooking up with right now? My hand
(brief interlude, i am not fabricating these questions. I'm going through my inbox on my phone and reanswering them haha.. you guys are weird)
10. Why do i still like the Twins? Total truth, the Twins are as much a part of summer to me as beach volleyball and hanging with friends. They keep me morale up, even when they're losing, because i love em.
11. What's the best song off of "Thomas Lake Mixtape"? track number 4. It's called "Lifted" and Sean features in it.
12. How do i feel about one-night stands? I mean, i don't know. Maybe i'm a puss, but i wouldn't have sex with someone i just met for one night ya kno? But like, other shit has and will go down, and it's fine. College
13. Am i drunk? No
14. What am i even scared of? Tangible: sharks. Intangible: dying and not telling my friends and fam beforehand that i love them.
15. Why is this my last summer at home? Because I will have a house up at Moorhead next year. Also, because i wanna start my life on my own.
(another interlude... that concludes the questions that i have gotten through text, now im gonna make up my own shit. hellllllyeah)
16. What's my favorite color? Green. So all you green eyed girls are very susceptible to winning my heart.
17. Where was i born? Ann Arbor, MI.
18. Where do i wanna live when i'm older? Cali.
19. What's my dream job? Manage a recording studio/label.
20. What's my favorite food? Tacos. Yakos tacos.
Yeah, i know those last five were gay.
I hope this shuts you guys up a little bit
-Jack
I don't know why, but I have become particularly irritated the last couple days by feeling like I constantly need to explain myself to random people through their (sometimes deprecatingly asked) questions. In the words of Kanye, "that's that shit i don't like." I don't consider myself a deviously secretive person at all, but the level of monotony in people's questions (even as trivial a question as "How was your first year at school?!") has begun to annoy. So... I'm gonna play a game of 20 questions with myself. Partially, so you guys will stop badgering me... partially, because I miss Formspring. These questions both include shit that i HAVE been asked the last week or so, and shit that i just made up because i needed to fill the void of the remaining questions. Here we go punks..
1. Who do i like? Nobody. Glad that's out of the way..
2. Why do i seem so angry in my tweets? Mainly because when i tweet, i don't intend to be orating to an audience. Like, if the 1,000 followers of mine were in a gymnasium and i had to give a speech, i would NOT talk about stuff like..pooping. haha, I mean i think i just forget that people actually read the shit i post, mainly i just tweet to vent. Sort of like my blog... sorry if i offend you guys with my tweets.
3. Do i still talk to my ex? Yeah, from time to time. We're civil and i still think very highly of her, she's tight!
4. Why do i want to get a tattoo? One, because I've dealt with a lot of deaths of people that are close to me this year. Two, (and less importantly), because I think they look cool. Maybe that's vain of me, but it's the truth.
5. Who are my subtweets about? Probably you, if you think it is.
6. Why do i want to quit music? It is extremely tiresome and is giving me a bad persona. People think i'm a dick because of some of the music i make, and i don't like that. I'm a nice guy, with a good family that was raised well, and i don't intend to portray myself in any other manner. Once again, sorry.
7. Am i okay? Yeah. I'm awesome
8. How many people have i had sex with? One... unless you count head as sex, too. Haha
9. Who am i hooking up with right now? My hand
(brief interlude, i am not fabricating these questions. I'm going through my inbox on my phone and reanswering them haha.. you guys are weird)
10. Why do i still like the Twins? Total truth, the Twins are as much a part of summer to me as beach volleyball and hanging with friends. They keep me morale up, even when they're losing, because i love em.
11. What's the best song off of "Thomas Lake Mixtape"? track number 4. It's called "Lifted" and Sean features in it.
12. How do i feel about one-night stands? I mean, i don't know. Maybe i'm a puss, but i wouldn't have sex with someone i just met for one night ya kno? But like, other shit has and will go down, and it's fine. College
13. Am i drunk? No
14. What am i even scared of? Tangible: sharks. Intangible: dying and not telling my friends and fam beforehand that i love them.
15. Why is this my last summer at home? Because I will have a house up at Moorhead next year. Also, because i wanna start my life on my own.
(another interlude... that concludes the questions that i have gotten through text, now im gonna make up my own shit. hellllllyeah)
16. What's my favorite color? Green. So all you green eyed girls are very susceptible to winning my heart.
17. Where was i born? Ann Arbor, MI.
18. Where do i wanna live when i'm older? Cali.
19. What's my dream job? Manage a recording studio/label.
20. What's my favorite food? Tacos. Yakos tacos.
Yeah, i know those last five were gay.
I hope this shuts you guys up a little bit
-Jack
Monday, June 4, 2012
Where I Stand with Music
I get kind of embarrassed when adults and/or people i don't know tell me they've heard my music. The reason is mainly because humans only hear what they want to or (more importantly) DON'T want to hear. Parents only hear the swear words, for example. It's like bad language is a barrier to the discovery of content or purpose for adults. I don't know, it's hard for me to try to really grasp the emotion I seek to grasp with music when my available dialect is limited. What do I say when i'm mad? "FUCK!!" It shouldn't be a taboo word to bring up during artistic expression, in my honest opinion. That being said, the reality is that society isn't ready to take rap for what it is, because there is so many negative aspects of life that rap encompasses, too. Violence, crime, drugs/alcohol... all shit that ALL of us will be exposed to, but that none of us are really comfortable talking to our parents about. Well.. my parents hear my music.
This leaves me in a weird position. I've always prided myself on keeping only truth in my music, but by doing so, i'm exposing things that certain people that keep me in high regards, such as my parents, aren't comfortable hearing. So, is one expected to "keep it real" or fabricate (and/or keep out certain details) in order to not offend. I don't have an answer...
What i do know is that pursuing a rap career, and maintaining a normal family life are not synonymous. And, if and WHEN i'm forced to choose between the two, i'm gonna sacrifice music in order to have that normal life. So, like, this potential Rhymesayers connection is really awesome and extremely flattering for me, but i don't think i'm as deserving (nor wanting) of it as others... Music as merely a way for me to get rid of some of my angst at the current time. Do i think i'm good? No better than anyone else... I make music that appeases my own interests. Lil' B makes music that appeases his own interests... Nobody is good, nobody is bad. They just are.
So, my music "career" as unsuccessful it was, by MOST of your standards (not mine), is hitting the decrescendo pretty soon here. It was an awesome chapter in my life, but I have a ton of more important shit in life to focus on, and i'm happy with that. I've loved the joy music has brought me and the feedback that you guys have gave me. I hope i've been able to bring some joy to you guys too...
Anyways, I still have "The Thomas Lake Mixtape" coming out pretty soon, which i hope you guys will like. It was super fun to write, because it took me back to a lot of good pre-teen memories; a lot of times i cherish dearly. It's a 17 song project (i currently have 13 songs completed). I'm hoping to make a video or two for it too, but they might not release until after the actual project. So, here's my question for you guys.... out of the available titles for songs, tell me which one you want for me to release?!!!:
Needle Drop, Vibe To It, Kinestethics Remix, Sun Will Rise, Gradual, Love Til September, General Custer.
Whichever title gets the most love, i will release the track at some point this week.
Wednesdays w/ Jack this week: All Of The Lights.
thanks for reading
-Jack
This leaves me in a weird position. I've always prided myself on keeping only truth in my music, but by doing so, i'm exposing things that certain people that keep me in high regards, such as my parents, aren't comfortable hearing. So, is one expected to "keep it real" or fabricate (and/or keep out certain details) in order to not offend. I don't have an answer...
What i do know is that pursuing a rap career, and maintaining a normal family life are not synonymous. And, if and WHEN i'm forced to choose between the two, i'm gonna sacrifice music in order to have that normal life. So, like, this potential Rhymesayers connection is really awesome and extremely flattering for me, but i don't think i'm as deserving (nor wanting) of it as others... Music as merely a way for me to get rid of some of my angst at the current time. Do i think i'm good? No better than anyone else... I make music that appeases my own interests. Lil' B makes music that appeases his own interests... Nobody is good, nobody is bad. They just are.
So, my music "career" as unsuccessful it was, by MOST of your standards (not mine), is hitting the decrescendo pretty soon here. It was an awesome chapter in my life, but I have a ton of more important shit in life to focus on, and i'm happy with that. I've loved the joy music has brought me and the feedback that you guys have gave me. I hope i've been able to bring some joy to you guys too...
Anyways, I still have "The Thomas Lake Mixtape" coming out pretty soon, which i hope you guys will like. It was super fun to write, because it took me back to a lot of good pre-teen memories; a lot of times i cherish dearly. It's a 17 song project (i currently have 13 songs completed). I'm hoping to make a video or two for it too, but they might not release until after the actual project. So, here's my question for you guys.... out of the available titles for songs, tell me which one you want for me to release?!!!:
Needle Drop, Vibe To It, Kinestethics Remix, Sun Will Rise, Gradual, Love Til September, General Custer.
Whichever title gets the most love, i will release the track at some point this week.
Wednesdays w/ Jack this week: All Of The Lights.
thanks for reading
-Jack
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Women
I was debating foregoing an appropriate and relevant topic sentence, and saying something like "F^&4 a B%^&#", but i won't.
Ever since i can remember, my mom has told me "girls are just awful, Jack." It's as though she was trying to mold me to be gay... I never really understood how she could hate a group that she was a part of, but throughout my life i've come across many females that hold the same beliefs. I'm constantly hearing you girls bash your own gender, and i don't know if it's a self-loathing thing, jealousy, or just exhaustion from trying to keep up with the socially-indoctrinated roles that women are forced to adopt. I kinda feel bad at times...
Dudes are allowed to go days without shaving, and it's commonplace. Girls go a couple days without shaving and you better know that all of us guys are just staring at your liphair whilst having a conversation with you. I feel bad... I mean, i'm not calling for the de-womanification (yes, i made that word up) of the gender, and i don't advocate hairy women in the least bit (even though some European armpit-haired women are cute.... yes, i'm the dude that admitted that), but i just thought i should recognize the work you guys do.
I've recently noticed myself writing more "love" songs, especially around this time of the year. I don't know, i just think summer and girls go together like pb & J... or matt galloway and his gay little dog (that's payback for hacking my Twitter, btw). I watched an interview of Drake the other day, in which he was confronted about being "soft" and making music solely for women.... he said something that kind of struck a chord with me. He said he "likes to study women." I think i'm probably the same.... I've been with enough girls to know that some of you are WEIRD AS SHIT. But some are also awesome as hell, and have layers behind them that would never be seen to the naked eye (i'm not speaking anatomy wise..).
I guess i didn't have a point to this blog.... It was kinda provoked by the 12 retweets i got on my tweet that said "Sandwich maybe?" 6 of those retweets were girls... haha you're a weird breed. But we love ya
-Jack
Ever since i can remember, my mom has told me "girls are just awful, Jack." It's as though she was trying to mold me to be gay... I never really understood how she could hate a group that she was a part of, but throughout my life i've come across many females that hold the same beliefs. I'm constantly hearing you girls bash your own gender, and i don't know if it's a self-loathing thing, jealousy, or just exhaustion from trying to keep up with the socially-indoctrinated roles that women are forced to adopt. I kinda feel bad at times...
Dudes are allowed to go days without shaving, and it's commonplace. Girls go a couple days without shaving and you better know that all of us guys are just staring at your liphair whilst having a conversation with you. I feel bad... I mean, i'm not calling for the de-womanification (yes, i made that word up) of the gender, and i don't advocate hairy women in the least bit (even though some European armpit-haired women are cute.... yes, i'm the dude that admitted that), but i just thought i should recognize the work you guys do.
I've recently noticed myself writing more "love" songs, especially around this time of the year. I don't know, i just think summer and girls go together like pb & J... or matt galloway and his gay little dog (that's payback for hacking my Twitter, btw). I watched an interview of Drake the other day, in which he was confronted about being "soft" and making music solely for women.... he said something that kind of struck a chord with me. He said he "likes to study women." I think i'm probably the same.... I've been with enough girls to know that some of you are WEIRD AS SHIT. But some are also awesome as hell, and have layers behind them that would never be seen to the naked eye (i'm not speaking anatomy wise..).
I guess i didn't have a point to this blog.... It was kinda provoked by the 12 retweets i got on my tweet that said "Sandwich maybe?" 6 of those retweets were girls... haha you're a weird breed. But we love ya
-Jack
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Growing Up
This post was conjured up partially due to my reaction to the Senior 2012 Flash Mob video...
I miss high school. Eastview was an institution that while I was a member of it, i absolutely despised. The place inferiorized even the most beloved athletes and musicians with their bullshit policies and overbearing administration that wouldn't allow the slightest reference to the intake of alcohol on a color day shirt. So, no i don't miss the school. I miss the mentality of being a high schooler... everything was so carefree and liberating. I didn't have to worry about how I was doing financially (maybe that hindered me..) and i didn't have to plan for my career in the least bit. Classes were easy as hell, my friends were tight, and everyone had this stigma that we would stay young forever. I remember the pre-Concordia days prospect of college being a big raincloud over the promises of last summer. I dealt with a breakup that had residual effects lasting at least 6 months after the shit ended. I began to see friendships being eradicated, and adults that i thought were so crucial to my upbringing feel as though i had already been brought up. It's like a kid's mentality towards life is supposed to change right when he graduates from high school. He has to embrace this "Game Face" that seems remarkably unaffected by the vastness of confusion and anxiety that actually embodies the progression he's going through. I was scared shitless; just wasn't allowed to show it.
The truth is, I don't think we ever grow up... there's a difference between growing up and maturing. I've definitely matured from the kid that would rip tags off of frolf disks at Dick's sporting goods and tuck them adjacent to my ballsack as i exited the store without paying. I'm not the same kid that snuck out of his bedroom window to go egg cars on the side of the road with his thirsty-for-rebellion neighbor. I think i have more respect for the world that i live in than i did as a kid growing up. However, i still have the nervous knot in my stomach when i go to pick up a girl i like. I still get shy and blush when someone i sorta-know, sorta-dont know comes through my line at Target. I still miss my mom when i go days without hugging her goodnight. We don't grow up.
But that's a good thing. I picture myself working a white-collar position about 10 years from now, hopefully making triple figures. I still picture myself getting drunk with my friends and playing poker, maybe slipping in a few freestyle sessions. It's healthy to keep fun in your life, no matter the situation. (That being said, shoutout to kids like Leo Lakpa doing summer school and trying to make their education come faster to get on to the real world sooner.) I have the utmost respect for those of you ready to move on from your past, but i'll never be that kid. I hold, near and dear to my heart, the memories i've made over the years with some awesome people and some awesome opportunities my life and my god has provided me with.
I only wish for one thing of my life and that's to never stop being happy and finding fun in the situation i find myself in.
-Jack
I miss high school. Eastview was an institution that while I was a member of it, i absolutely despised. The place inferiorized even the most beloved athletes and musicians with their bullshit policies and overbearing administration that wouldn't allow the slightest reference to the intake of alcohol on a color day shirt. So, no i don't miss the school. I miss the mentality of being a high schooler... everything was so carefree and liberating. I didn't have to worry about how I was doing financially (maybe that hindered me..) and i didn't have to plan for my career in the least bit. Classes were easy as hell, my friends were tight, and everyone had this stigma that we would stay young forever. I remember the pre-Concordia days prospect of college being a big raincloud over the promises of last summer. I dealt with a breakup that had residual effects lasting at least 6 months after the shit ended. I began to see friendships being eradicated, and adults that i thought were so crucial to my upbringing feel as though i had already been brought up. It's like a kid's mentality towards life is supposed to change right when he graduates from high school. He has to embrace this "Game Face" that seems remarkably unaffected by the vastness of confusion and anxiety that actually embodies the progression he's going through. I was scared shitless; just wasn't allowed to show it.
The truth is, I don't think we ever grow up... there's a difference between growing up and maturing. I've definitely matured from the kid that would rip tags off of frolf disks at Dick's sporting goods and tuck them adjacent to my ballsack as i exited the store without paying. I'm not the same kid that snuck out of his bedroom window to go egg cars on the side of the road with his thirsty-for-rebellion neighbor. I think i have more respect for the world that i live in than i did as a kid growing up. However, i still have the nervous knot in my stomach when i go to pick up a girl i like. I still get shy and blush when someone i sorta-know, sorta-dont know comes through my line at Target. I still miss my mom when i go days without hugging her goodnight. We don't grow up.
But that's a good thing. I picture myself working a white-collar position about 10 years from now, hopefully making triple figures. I still picture myself getting drunk with my friends and playing poker, maybe slipping in a few freestyle sessions. It's healthy to keep fun in your life, no matter the situation. (That being said, shoutout to kids like Leo Lakpa doing summer school and trying to make their education come faster to get on to the real world sooner.) I have the utmost respect for those of you ready to move on from your past, but i'll never be that kid. I hold, near and dear to my heart, the memories i've made over the years with some awesome people and some awesome opportunities my life and my god has provided me with.
I only wish for one thing of my life and that's to never stop being happy and finding fun in the situation i find myself in.
-Jack
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
When you see a pretty girl...
So, straight to the story...
It was a usual cart shift at Target today (aside from the cunt child that shat on the floor in the bathroom, forcing me to mop the place and try to contain my vomit). I was in the midst of pushing in a row of about 9 carts from the center of the parking lot, through the middle door that makes a loud "Bang" everytime a cart is forced against it, usually resulting in an Asian woman next to me letting out a surprised "oooo!" But this time was different...
As i was just about to make that familiar "bang" noise against the door, I caught one of the prettiest girls i'd ever seen out of the corner of my eye. The usual Jack thing to do would just be to pretend like i didn't see her and keep pushing the carts, seemingly untainted by her appearance in my peripherals. I was feeling... ballsy, per say. I turned my neck and looked at her, like... deliberately straining myself to make sure she knew i was looking at her, and smiled. She smiled back in that cute way girls do where they can't directly look you in the eyes (the little up-down) and then turned her attention back towards the pavement she was moving forward on; moving away from me and my carts. I could analyze her reaction to me in one of two ways. One (the positive way), she could have been the shy type (like me) that can muster up a smile but doesn't dare to delve deeper towards the potential for spontaneous small-talk, or (more awkwardly) some more "up-downs." Two (the negative way) is that she got weird-ed out and gave the same smile, and then quick staring at the ground, that I give to old, crippled people i catch staring at me in the mall.
Maybe it's this split that has me asking... what else could i have done? When you see a pretty girl, how do you maintain some level of ingenuity and coolness?; enough so you can say something that lets her know you're interested, without letting her know you're interested, and that hints at potential interest without seeming creepy or like every other tool dude that has probably approached such attractive-of-a-girl prior to you two interacting. It's weird..
Honestly, i didn't have the chance to even deliver a "Hey" in the position i was in. I was in the process of pushing in a row of carts up a slanted pavement before nailing a door that doesn't seem like it should be nailed... if i would have tried to make conversation my out-of-breathe voice, and job title that became identifiable to this female, would have suggested i have some sort of mental disorder. Remember, i cleaned human shit off the floor tonight. This was one of those girls that probably is working at Nordstrom, spraying perfume on the wrists of old, rich women. I don't think i will ever impress a girl whilst dressed in red and khakis, pushing carts at the Eagan Target. Wealth isn't power, it is confidence. Confidence that i may be depressingly repressed from, due to my financial situation. The good news... i'm young, and in the future i'm gonna be loooooooaded (Cue Smoke DZA music).
At the end of the day, i got a smile from a pretty girl. We'll leave it at that.
-Jack
It was a usual cart shift at Target today (aside from the cunt child that shat on the floor in the bathroom, forcing me to mop the place and try to contain my vomit). I was in the midst of pushing in a row of about 9 carts from the center of the parking lot, through the middle door that makes a loud "Bang" everytime a cart is forced against it, usually resulting in an Asian woman next to me letting out a surprised "oooo!" But this time was different...
As i was just about to make that familiar "bang" noise against the door, I caught one of the prettiest girls i'd ever seen out of the corner of my eye. The usual Jack thing to do would just be to pretend like i didn't see her and keep pushing the carts, seemingly untainted by her appearance in my peripherals. I was feeling... ballsy, per say. I turned my neck and looked at her, like... deliberately straining myself to make sure she knew i was looking at her, and smiled. She smiled back in that cute way girls do where they can't directly look you in the eyes (the little up-down) and then turned her attention back towards the pavement she was moving forward on; moving away from me and my carts. I could analyze her reaction to me in one of two ways. One (the positive way), she could have been the shy type (like me) that can muster up a smile but doesn't dare to delve deeper towards the potential for spontaneous small-talk, or (more awkwardly) some more "up-downs." Two (the negative way) is that she got weird-ed out and gave the same smile, and then quick staring at the ground, that I give to old, crippled people i catch staring at me in the mall.
Maybe it's this split that has me asking... what else could i have done? When you see a pretty girl, how do you maintain some level of ingenuity and coolness?; enough so you can say something that lets her know you're interested, without letting her know you're interested, and that hints at potential interest without seeming creepy or like every other tool dude that has probably approached such attractive-of-a-girl prior to you two interacting. It's weird..
Honestly, i didn't have the chance to even deliver a "Hey" in the position i was in. I was in the process of pushing in a row of carts up a slanted pavement before nailing a door that doesn't seem like it should be nailed... if i would have tried to make conversation my out-of-breathe voice, and job title that became identifiable to this female, would have suggested i have some sort of mental disorder. Remember, i cleaned human shit off the floor tonight. This was one of those girls that probably is working at Nordstrom, spraying perfume on the wrists of old, rich women. I don't think i will ever impress a girl whilst dressed in red and khakis, pushing carts at the Eagan Target. Wealth isn't power, it is confidence. Confidence that i may be depressingly repressed from, due to my financial situation. The good news... i'm young, and in the future i'm gonna be loooooooaded (Cue Smoke DZA music).
At the end of the day, i got a smile from a pretty girl. We'll leave it at that.
-Jack
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Blessed
If I could say the n-word i would start this post off with a Schoolboy Q lyric. However, to preserve my dignity and any chance I have at making it somewhere in rap... i'll just say i'm blessed.
I hear a lot of bullshit complaints everywhere i go... what twitter might call "#firstworldproblems". So and so dumped me, so and so found a new girl.... even something as trivial as "my fingers hurt." I think partially, people like to stay in this negative funk because they LOVE to have the liberty to complain. My dad is probably pissed right now that the Twins are winning, because he'd rather sit on the couch nightly and bitch about how terrible Gardy's organization is.... i'm gonna try something though. Here are five reasons why I am blessed:
1) I'm alive. This may seem like a cliche or premeditated response, but really its true. I've lost three people near-and-dear to my heart within the last 12 months. All of these people were under 22 years old. When i was a kid, i never thought about death. The prospect of some crazy accident occuring and taking my life never seemed realistic; this year was an eye-opener. I'm very grateful to still be here and have the opportunity to live out my purpose for existing.
2) I come from a good family. Without my family I would be money-less, job-less, and altogether hope-less. Like every other nose-too-high teenager, I've had my periods of time where I've taken my family for granted. That now disgusts me. My mom is the kindest woman i've ever met, my dad can be a dick but has been there for me more than anybody else throughout my life, my brother embodies every brotherly characteristic i could ask of him, and my sister sends me puppy chow when i'm away at school. I wouldn't know how to love if it weren't for these people (insert soundclip of lil wayne's "how to love").
3) My friends. I've had some rough times... i've prevailed each one of them. I think the reason that we people develop friendships is so they can fulfill every role that our family can't. My friends have been the ones who've had my back when conflicts arise, and the ones that i've been able to talk to about shit i'm too embarrassed to tell my folks. They're the ones who kept me going throughout this difficult beginning of the year, and i'm humbled to have gotten to know such an amazing group. Can't really put into perspective the impact that each one of them has played in my life, but i have eternal gratitude to God bringing them to me.
4) My health. I'm kinda lanky... my ears are pretty big.... i flinch when you get towards my nipples. But, i'm healthy. I've actually never even broken a bone. Sometimes i feel guilty about this, cuz i hear horror stories of infants developing leukemia and i legitimately wish i could take their pain away and onto myself. A lot of my family is plagued with both physical and mental diseases and it's hard to watch... but i'm okay. I'm breathing, i'm functioning, and i feel good. Not a day goes by i don't have utter appreciation for that.
5) My future. It's crazy to think that there's nations on this earth that put the chokehold on children being able to dream. I've been told since day one that i can be WHATEVER i wanna be, and i have no doubts whatsoever that that's true. I actually don't even stress about my future in the least bit because i know that wherever i end up, i will be happy, and that the cards will fall where they should. I'm lucky to have such supportive factors in my life, including our democracy, that allows me the freedom to construct the future i want to.
Think about why you're blessed. It's therapeutic to realize how much you have going for you
-jack
I hear a lot of bullshit complaints everywhere i go... what twitter might call "#firstworldproblems". So and so dumped me, so and so found a new girl.... even something as trivial as "my fingers hurt." I think partially, people like to stay in this negative funk because they LOVE to have the liberty to complain. My dad is probably pissed right now that the Twins are winning, because he'd rather sit on the couch nightly and bitch about how terrible Gardy's organization is.... i'm gonna try something though. Here are five reasons why I am blessed:
1) I'm alive. This may seem like a cliche or premeditated response, but really its true. I've lost three people near-and-dear to my heart within the last 12 months. All of these people were under 22 years old. When i was a kid, i never thought about death. The prospect of some crazy accident occuring and taking my life never seemed realistic; this year was an eye-opener. I'm very grateful to still be here and have the opportunity to live out my purpose for existing.
2) I come from a good family. Without my family I would be money-less, job-less, and altogether hope-less. Like every other nose-too-high teenager, I've had my periods of time where I've taken my family for granted. That now disgusts me. My mom is the kindest woman i've ever met, my dad can be a dick but has been there for me more than anybody else throughout my life, my brother embodies every brotherly characteristic i could ask of him, and my sister sends me puppy chow when i'm away at school. I wouldn't know how to love if it weren't for these people (insert soundclip of lil wayne's "how to love").
3) My friends. I've had some rough times... i've prevailed each one of them. I think the reason that we people develop friendships is so they can fulfill every role that our family can't. My friends have been the ones who've had my back when conflicts arise, and the ones that i've been able to talk to about shit i'm too embarrassed to tell my folks. They're the ones who kept me going throughout this difficult beginning of the year, and i'm humbled to have gotten to know such an amazing group. Can't really put into perspective the impact that each one of them has played in my life, but i have eternal gratitude to God bringing them to me.
4) My health. I'm kinda lanky... my ears are pretty big.... i flinch when you get towards my nipples. But, i'm healthy. I've actually never even broken a bone. Sometimes i feel guilty about this, cuz i hear horror stories of infants developing leukemia and i legitimately wish i could take their pain away and onto myself. A lot of my family is plagued with both physical and mental diseases and it's hard to watch... but i'm okay. I'm breathing, i'm functioning, and i feel good. Not a day goes by i don't have utter appreciation for that.
5) My future. It's crazy to think that there's nations on this earth that put the chokehold on children being able to dream. I've been told since day one that i can be WHATEVER i wanna be, and i have no doubts whatsoever that that's true. I actually don't even stress about my future in the least bit because i know that wherever i end up, i will be happy, and that the cards will fall where they should. I'm lucky to have such supportive factors in my life, including our democracy, that allows me the freedom to construct the future i want to.
Think about why you're blessed. It's therapeutic to realize how much you have going for you
-jack
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