Target lessons

So, if you follow me on Twitter and/or hit up Eagan Target frequently then you know that I work there a lot... With that reality, there are a lot of positives and negatives. Negative: I miss out on a lot of shit, Positive: I get a lot of frequent customers that come through my lane who I build a somewhat relationship with. I've got a set of old ladies who always come through my lane when I'm working the morning shifts and buy Yogurt Parfaits. They then proceed to ask me to take the lid off the parfait---old women will never learn. One of my favorite regulars is this 50 year old dude i call "Coupon Man."

He earned the name after I was first introduced to him about a year back. He came through my line with 400 dollars worth of shit. He left my line only spending 160 dollars. Fairly impressive, eh? Coupon Man is that dude.... or so I thought.

He's always been super nice to me. Like, one of those old men that continue to call younger teenagers "Man" or "Dude" to help them feel like they're still in the same age bracket (We all have an uncle who is guilty of this..). While I was scanning his items, he would always tell me stories of his morning runs or of the parties that he throws at his cabin. He even invited me to go up to his cabin sometime (which in hindsight is a creepy request from a 50 year old man), but he was just that nice of a guy.

Tonight, he came through my line with 20 12-packs of Coke. We have a sale going on where each 12 pack of coke products are only $2.50, so I don't blame the dude for trying to save a couple bucks and load up on those pops (and he most definitely had a couple coupons to cut the cost even more). However, my manager, who was nearby, spotted what Coupon Man was doing and she told him that he can only buy 6 packs of pop with that current sale. Coupon Man (i'm gonna call him CM from now on) was pissed.

"Well where the hell did it say that?! I didn't see that shit written anywhere. You know what, screw it! You take it back then lady! I can't believe this!!"

When my manager (who is actually a fairly nice woman, herself) proceeded to return his pops to the back of the store where they came from, CM continued to bad-mouth her to me.

"Can you believe they give women like her power?! No brains, but has a badge! Am I right, Jack man?"

-___-            (my first ever stale face emoticon. dope)

I was super caught off guard. This is the same guy that invited me to his cabin and told me that I probably have the women flocking over me.

Lesson of the night: You can never truly judge somebody until you see how they react to something NOT going their way.

Think about it.

-Jack

Mary

My return to Apple Valley marked a return to repressed memories and forgotten habits. As of late, I've been asked a lot "why don't you smoke anymore," and the answer is something that isn't easily described through impromptu conversation. Even a thoroughly-outlines, pinnately-detailed manuscript couldn't really hint at my answer to that question. One thing you need to know, though, is that I have an addictive personality---it's the same reason that I lost my whole college fund to the casino last summer, and it's the same reason that I have found baffling attraction towards women I haven't even dated. That addictive personality makes even a (supposedly) nonaddictive drug very seductive to a kid of my genetic-makeup. Weed wasn't too much of a gateway drug for me, I experimented with the casual adderall and pain-killers, but never anything too terrible.  

Mary and I had an interesting relationship... the first time I smoked coincided with the first time I showed anybody my raps. It was the summer after sophomore year, and my parents were out of town. Two of my friends made a water bottle bong and we blew the smoke out of my bedroom window. I didn't get high. The first time I did get high was about three months later, with the same two kids. We were driving to a Halloween Party when it first hit me, and it was a sensation that I don't think anybody could accurately describe. I said my most famous line ever, which has made me the butt of numerous jokes over the years; "Guys... I can't function." 

I started smoking more and more as the months rolled by, and gradually my tolerance for weed built as my funds for weed diminished. The summer after senior year was the climax of my time smoking; our camping trip marked the climax of that climax. I was perpetually high for about 72 hours; shit was weird. Driving home from that trip is when I realized that the relationship between Mary and I was becoming strained.

As I got to college, about three weeks after the camping trip, the smoking shit really died down for me. I didn't think about it, because I wasn't surrounded by it. I smoked here and there (maybe once a week) over First Semester. When winter break came by, that's when things got really weird. Keep in mind, I was going through a rough patch emotionally which probably helped parent the weirdness brought about by the drug too. Through about a three week stretch in mid December to early January, I was introduced to this faux world created by weed.

I know it sounds crazy to you guys, especially the true potheads that are basically unfazed and immune to effects of weed. The best way to describe what I went through was like Inception; there were two worlds: one was the high world, one was the sober world. When i got high, I stopped caring about what happened in what i believed to be the separate universe. I acted weird towards my family, distanced myself from friends, changed a lot. I became super introverted. The raps that I wrote were some of my best stuff; I wrote "Social Network" while exasperatingly high. But, everything was slow. Time stopped existing, motivation stopped breeding, and my concerns in life stopped seeming concerning. I was a different person; a person that I don't want to revisit, and a person that I'm glad I left in the past.

So, that's why I don't smoke anymore. It's not because I think I'm better than that, its not because I don't have enough money to afford it, and it's definitely not for music reasons. I'm just not that person

-Jack  

America

In all honesty, I'm not that patriotic of a person. I've spent innumerable hours delving into the possibility that our government is corrupt. I'm cynical towards every politician I see on the TV, and doubtful towards every campaign promise. I think the media has a chokehold on our liberty of exposure to wars and malice committed by our country. I think the army has taken part in many atrocities that have gone undocumented, and our history (which many already perceive as scathed) has more blemishes than any of us our aware of.

But, the 4th of July isn't a celebration of the government (despite every governmental position getting a day off, and me having to work a fucking 8 hour shift at Target). Yes, I know local government officials utilize this day to pass out stickers as propaganda at parades and brainwash the fountain of youth. But nah... keep the government out of your concerns today.

Today is a day to chill with other Americans, pursuing the same dreams as we do. It's a day to look back at the revolution we started, the freedom we conquered, and the futures we're offered. As skeptical as I am towards this country, I couldn't have imagined growing up elsewhere.  In the words of Ron Swanson, "the whole point of this country is if you wanna eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can. You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful."

Happy 4th

-Jack

Decisiveness

As the days pass by, the end of summer becomes more and more imminent. I'm happy for that; I think Fargo/Moorhead provides me with a lot more potential for growth than home does. When I was stuck at my register cashiering tonight, I started to think a little bit. I started to think about what I wanted from life, which is a hard concept for an indecisive kid who is considered a Junior in college, yet whose major is still up in the air. I KNOW what I want, but I also know that it will hinder my options in other aspects of my life. Personally, I love entertaining. Music is awesome, and it gives me this rush that no other areas of my existence can facilitate. I also want to start looking for some Amateur Nights at comedy houses and opportunities to get involved in acting (but NO musicals. that shit is the devil). The problem with those kind of fields is that the money is inconsistent, and it's capacity for a family life is unsure. I want a wife and kid and shit later in life, and don't want to sacrifice that plausibility. But here's the thing:

I feel like every adult out there has some sort of pipe dream that they never accomplished. Every dad has some rock band that never made it big, and every mom has some cheerleading career that got stunted due to injury. I don't wanna be like that. I don't ever want to look back and think "god, i wish i could relive those days." I want to be able to say either: a) i DID live those days, and don't want them anymore, or b) i had the opportunity to live those days, and chose a separate route, and I'm happy i did so. I'm a firm believer in the possibility of doing anything I want to with life. It doesn't come down to whether or not you were dealt the right cards, it comes down to how hard you can strive and persevere through adversity to change the momentum of the table.

The problem is time is finite. No matter how long a day may seem (tonight at Target was FUCKING long), time will always end. The end will always come. My cum will find your face. lol *it was funnier in my head* But really, you have to end up making choices. You have to come to an understanding that you don't have forever to decide; but never settle. Same goes to you hot girls out there with dudes that are going nowhere. Don't settle.

Bringing back the song of the day thing.....

"Get No Better"- Clear Soul Forces

alright, night folks

-Jack

Advice on taking advice, and some other shit

Yesterday, somebody told me "Jack, you always seem like you have your shit figured out."

I ignored my initial reaction of scoffing and saying "the fuck?", and instead decided to decipher how exactly someone could believe something so UNTRUE about me. I think it's this:

The people that act like they have all their shit figured out, are generally the ones that have absolutely no clue; and, vice versa. People could misconstrue me by what they see online; they see an articulate enough guy who seems relatively wise through the advice that he gives. The truth is though, I don't follow all of the advice that I give... every human mind is subject to inferiority by multiple components that interfere with one's better judgement (i.e. love, substance, peer pressure, and one's penis). I've had my share of mishaps and trauma in my life, and have many skeletons in my closet that I fail to bring to the surface with an average acquaintance. Even my best friends rarely know what's plaguing my mind when I tweet suggestive things on Twitter. There are certain personality types that don't like to expose their weaknesses, and sadly--yet self-admittedly-- i fall under that category. Self-conscious folks have to master the control of their mannerisms in order to outlast the urges of their inner insecurities and uncertainties. It's just the way shit works...

And then there's other people that outwardly express how screwed-up their life is, because they are blind to the qualities and potential they possess. Those are the advice-seekers. The fact is though, nobody can really advise you better than yourself. Who knows YOU better than YOU?! God maybe.. that's it. You've dealt with every up and down in your life, even the ones that you've left untold and hidden. So, remarkably no advice is more fitting to your adaptation than your own. I think everyone needs to strive to be a little less dependent..

TOTALLY UNRELATED TOPIC:

Isn't it weird how certain sensory details (sounds, scents, etc.) can bring back weird memories? I was on my iPod today, and shuffled to the song "The End" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I was immediately taken back to last August, when i first heard the song and played it on repeat on my way back from the Casino. I had recently dealt with the death of my cousin, a fairly rough break up, and the anxieties of heading away from home for college. I also lost 200 dollars that night... I think that was the all-time low of my life thus far, and the song kind of coincided with that feeling. However, today i just kind of smiled while it started playing during my workout. I've made it so far in a 10 month span, and I'm genuinely proud of the person I've matured to. By the way, that song is crazy chill and I'd definitely suggest it for those who haven't heard...

Alright, bye

-Jack

Change

Change is inevitable...

I think people fantasize the possibility that they're different. Others change, but I'm an anomaly. Relationships change, but we won't. That's not true...

Any absence from a place or group of people will alter your perception. 

I think i've grown a lot as an individual this year, and get all-too upset when I come back home and see some of my friends on the same shit that I matured from. That's not fair of me...

I don't like coming home much anymore, though. I kind of just want to move the fuck out of Minnesota. I want to finish school and then just find my life elsewhere..

I used to be afraid of change, transition, and growth. Now i embrace it... I love meeting new people, and sometimes find myself bored with the old ones.... don't get me wrong, i love my friends. It's just hard to fathom that ALL life has to offer for me resides in the Minnesota boundaries. Think about it...

Some kids think they've found their "soulmate." It was the girl/guy they went to elementary school with...

We have only been exposed to about 1/100000000 of what the world has to offer (i made up that stat, cunt), so how can people rest assured that they've found their niche. I wanna travel the world, try new things, meet new people, find a home, find a happiness, and settle THEN. 

Nobody wants a normal life, ideally, but many settle for one.

Break out of your fucking box

-Jack

"Be Smart About It"

On innumerable occasions, I have been told "Jack, be smart about it." It's about the most common advice I receive at the Casino, and towards my love life. Here's the problem...

Being "smart" about it has become synonymous for being conservative with it. Being "smart" about it limits the potential for the unexpected, because it eradicates the relationship between risk-reward. Being "smart" about it means being safe. It means being pussy... I'm sorry.

Here's my equation for "being smart about it" : If your decision to choose the safe route exonerates the ability for a reward that is GREATER than the risk you are about to delve in to, you are NOT being smart. You are exemplifying cowardice and embracing dormancy. I hate the phrase "be smart about it," because it stands under all of the wrong principles. 

So, am I actually smart? To be honest, no.

I choose the safe route far too often, which has both been a gift and a curse to me. I mean, I'm alive. But, I'm far less successful than my capability allows me to be. I'm smart in school, but not yet smart in life. 

It's time to be smart about shit; it's time to take risks, and time to allow something new to come into my life.

-Jack