Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Leagues

As kids that have been through high school, and experimented with early romance/relationships, we've ALMOST all got the "she/he is out of your league" speech before from one of our friends.

Bypassing the functionality of heuristics, people have established a "league" for us to classify with. Every once in a while you can dip above or below this league, but you are restricted to the belief that you're aspirations towards the other gender have limits.

I look back on some of the pretty girls I've been involved with in my life. The initial gratification from each of those relationships was the 'score.' The catch of getting a good-looking girl, and having your bros say "DAMN dude, she's hot." This was a naive incentive...

I think any girl who perceives an intangible 'league' with boundaries around them is a girl that is NOT worth pursuing. Being a heterosexual individual, I don't rate myself. For all I know, I'm a 1/10 on a given girl's scale... who am I to say I deserve a more attractive girl? That's stupid as hell. I think too many people have gotten by in life on the sole basis of their looks.

I've dealt with so many untrustworthy, self-interested, spiteful women in my life, that at this point in time i can HONESTLY say, I only like girls now based on their personalities. Obviously, I'm sexually attracted to a lot of women, but I am also very unattracted to a lot of those people based off their personalities (lack thereof). I just want a cute, music-loving girl I can kick it with. The type you can introduce to mom and pops, ya know?

Moral: stop acting like you're in a certain league, leave your possibilities open.

-Jack

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Bird leaves Nest

I was pushing carts again today. Riveting as always... I'll skip the boring shit, and tell you about something kind of cool that I witnessed, instead.

I was headed back out of the building and towards the parking lot when I passed one of the giant red poles outside of the facade. Adjacent to this red post, where the bottom roof and the cement above the post meet, was a bird nest which I had noticed a couple months back. My introduction with this bird's nest was less than friendly, as I had to dodge the Mother Bird's disposal of shit plummeting towards my shoulder (true story). But over these last couple months, I've been able to see the eggs turn to little babies, who've then rented the nest to a new mother bird and a new set of blue eggs. Nature's cool, huh? (shout to Annalise Peck lol).

Today when I was walking past the post near the bird's nest, I saw a little girl (probably about 6 years old, cute little thing with glasses and a ponytail) point up at the nest and say "Daddy, look! Birdies!" I've heard this from many children over the past two months... it's usually followed by a non-chalant reply from their dad saying "that's cool sweetie" while they continue to move through the automatic doors and near the carts, not even glancing up at the nest. Today, though, the dad stopped, looked up at the nest, and said "Wow, sweetheart that is so cool! Let's take a picture!"

I don't know why, but that kind of struck a chord with me. My whole time growing up, I was given the "oh Jack, you'll understand when you're older" that I'm sure EVERY kid received on numerous occasions. Most of my drawings/essays were stored up in neat little manila folders which now reside in a quasi-receptacle in our basement storage room. We were always given the absent "that's cool" as children, and it just quickly becomes indoctrinated in our brains that adults DON'T GIVE A SHIT what you have to say. I think, to an extent, I still haven't escaped that ominous cloud.

My parents still look at me as an adolescent, and society still gives me less capacity for credibility. It's a struggle. As a parent, I'm gonna be more like that dad I saw today at Target. I'm gonna take the time to recognize the imagination of my kid, and I'm gonna commemorate their works. I think kids are some of the most adventurous and imaginative inhabitants of this world, and there's a lot that can be taken from what they have to say and from vicinities they've explored.

-Jack

Monday, July 30, 2012

re: How To Get Laid

This was inspired by Joyee Chin's blogpost last evening.

What I enjoy most about reading her blogs is that she doesn't give a fuck about giving fucks. I think society has trained too many girls to be hush-hush about their sex lives, and it's kinda unfair how opposite that is for men. I respect people that can openly talk about sex/fucking/"making love" (side note, Joyee... NOBODY calls it 'making love' unless they're virgins). I think if everybody could be open about this kind of shit, it would take away from the taboo behind it. That being said, i present you with the impeccably-stepped "HOW TO GET LAID (IF YOU'RE A GIRL)":

tell somebody you want to fuck, lol.

I'm sure after people read Joyee's blog her phone starts blowing up with texts like "hey joyee, i just read you're blog. You're such a good writer :) you should teach me how to write :) my dick is a keyboard :)" ... hopefully not to that extent, but let's be honest... the male race is an ungodly group of horny individuals. Any girl who is avowedly willing for sex is put on a pedestal by our gender, because only about 5 % of girls are outright DTF, whereas about 95 % of dudes are (statistic brought to you by the Jackson Dady Yakowicz Research Foundation).

From my experiences, I know that there's A LOT more than 5 % that are down, though.. The "she's-a-prude-she-will-only-give-handjobs" type mindset is mythical. It's just girls are judged 20 times more than guys are for their promiscuity. I'm not saying it SHOULD be that way, but it just is. Just like how society frowns on female masturbation, but encourages ours.

I say, if you wanna have sex, have sex. You'll often be subject to judgement, and circulating rumors from all of Apple Valley, but fuck it... literally.

-Jack

Monday, July 23, 2012

Writing Love Songs

I've been told lately that I've written a lot of "love songs," and I just wanted to address a few things.

One, I've never actually been in love. I've loved friends, I've loved family, and I've loved exes. But I have never felt the sort of attraction/infatuation in a girl as though I couldn't bare my life without her; nobody has ever really been that irreplaceable to me. So the term "LOVE song" is hardly applicable to some of the shit you've heard from me; I mean, just listen to "love actually" haha.

Two, as gay as it may sound, that's what people want to hear. I don't think people can relate to any conflict in music material better than to the chase/release of a member of the opposite gender. Love, as a concept, is the ONLY reason that R & B even exists as a genre. It's the reason Frank Ocean has such a wide fanbase, and the reason that I used to only play country songs when I had my girl in the car. It's the preferred music of most in the summer time, and it's the most widely quoted concept, lyrically, on Twitter.

Three, I have never really constructed a song (except for on this next tape, in which you haven't yet heard) that was aimed towards pleasing a girl I liked. I've either written pieces out of bitterness towards an ex, or describing a feeling I used to feel and how I've moved past it. In other words, I don't write a song as a means of getting pussy; I write them in an attempt to make music/projects more relatable to an audience.

I'm not Shakespeare... dick

-Jack

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Sunday Night in October

For the sake of my peace, and the curiosity of those who don't know me too well, I'm going to re-etch one of my least favorite memories from this past year.

It was a Sunday night on the last weekend of October. Starting out the evening in the same fashion I always did on Sundays, me and a couple of my friends were watching some TV on my futon and eating popcorn out of those microwavable bowls. The two friends I was with both had some homework, or various other bullshit things to tend to, so it ended up just being me. I was listening to "Pyrite" by Frank Ocean at my desk, and started to feel a repressed sensation I hadn't known for a while; a certain sadness that seemed inexplicable and unprovoked. I didn't want to be in my dorm any longer (lucky for me, I had a car this year at school) and so I grabbed my keys and headed out towards my Jetta. I was sitting in the parking lot, trying to define this outer-worldly feeling to myself to help grasp some plausible cure to it. I called my ex. She tried to briefly console me, but it was a dead end. I called my best friend. He sympathized with me, but didn't know what kind of guidance to provide. I called my parents. I started crying, and didn't know why. My mom could hardly bare to hear it; it was something she hadn't heard or seen since I was about seven years old. I told her I hated college, I told her I missed home, I told her I needed to see a doctor, I told her a bunch of things that I didn't know and didn't believe. My mom didn't know what to do; it was the first time in my life that my parents didn't know what to do and didn't know what to tell me. It was a feeling of independence I wasn't prepared for. I hung up the phone and started driving. I didn't turn the radio on, didn't freestyle over instrumentals from my iPod, didn't send occasional texts; just sat and drove. I made my way across the 8th street bridge which runs perpendicular to i-94 (my route home from school). I kept driving until I was out of Moorhead's city limits; until i was out of it's neighboring city's limits. I found a desolate dirt road that weaved through an old, already harvested cornfield. I peeled off of 8th street and put my car in park. There was a vast line of tower-high lightpoles that blinked on and off on my left side. I spent a couple minutes staring at them, quickly grasping the blinking pattern. I started to think about my past; the friendships/relationships that ended, and the phases of my childhood I wouldn't be able to re-live. I was convinced that I deserved more years of youth, more errors to make, more successes to seek. I sat out on the road for a couple hours; following the worst sensation of my life, this setting was complete bliss. I thought about how I could just live out here for a couple days; nobody would notice I was hiding in the cornfield. I didn't want to go back to campus, but I went. I got out of my car once I re-entered the dorm's parking lot. I headed back up to my room, which was still vacant. I wrote my first verse to "Social Network." I laid in my bed, and fell asleep almost immediately. When I woke up, I was happy again. I felt as though I had something to prove to my weaker-self from a day ago. I was motivated, I was driven. I promised to myself I would never feel as lowly as I did that Sunday evening in late October; and I haven't.


For a while, I thought that my episode that night was an early indication of some form of depression. The illness ran in my family (like it does it many others), and I was worried that I might develop it. I didn't. I've battled through anxiety for a good portion of my life. I get overly-worried about minor things, and feel occasional claustrophobia as well as sickness before huge events. College was a huge event. I have only been in college for 1/19 of my life but it has drastically changed me already. For the first time ever, I have been making decisions for myself. Not decisions which are aimed to appease my parents, not decisions which keep the happiness of my girlfriend, and not decisions that I have been pressured into by my peers. I've matured, I've become responsible, and I'm proud of myself. For a while, I've been afraid to tell anybody about my experience on that Sunday night. I've feared being called "soft," i've feared my friend's worrying about me, and I've feared my reputation being tainted. I don't give a shit anymore. I think without that cloudy day, I would never have gained appreciation for the sunny ones. I still have my bad moods from time-to-time. To my friends, thank you for persisting through them. To my family, I'm grateful for your support in my longevity. To my God, I'm sorry I haven't always trusted you.


I feel liberated, and I feel calm. I can look back at my past easily, and look towards my future readily. It's a good feeling...


-Jack

Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Top 25 Albums/Mixtapes of all Time

First off, these are not what I am calling the BEST albums of all time. Just my favorites, and the type of music that has some sort of emotional significance in my life. These are the albums in which I revert to when I can't think of anything else to listen to. This is the music that for the most part has shaped my life

25. A.W.O.L- AZ (best song: So Sincere)
24. Take Care- Drake (best song: Over My Dead Body)
23. House of Balloons- The Weeknd (best song: The Morning)
22. K.R.I.T. Wuz Here- Big K.R.I.T. (best song: No Wheaties)
21. The Vs. EP- Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (best song: Otherside)
20. Enter the Wu-Tang/36 Chambers- Wu-Tang Clan (best song: C.R.E.A.M.)
19. Control System- Ab Soul (best song: Book of Soul)
18. Bastard- Tyler, the Creator (best song: Blow)
17. Channel Orange- Frank Ocean (best song: Pyramids)
16. T.S.O.L- Shad (best song: Rose Garden)
15. Kendrick Lamar EP- Kendrick Lamar (best song: Is It Love)
14. Black Star- Mos Def & Talib Kweli (best song: Respiration)
13. Minstrel Show- Little Brother (best song: Slow it Down)
12. Pilot Talk- Curren$y (best song: Breakfast)
11. Earl- Earl Sweatshirt (best song: Couch)
10. Lost Tapes- Nas (best song: Purple)
09. O.verly D.edicated- Kendrick Lamar (best song: The Heart pt. 2)
08. Give Me My Flowers While I Can Smell Them- Blu & Exile (best song: More Out of Life)
07. Warm Up- J Cole (best song: I Get Up)
06. nostalgia, ULTRA- Frank Ocean (best song: We All Try)
05. The Cool- Lupe (best song: Hip Hop Saved My Life)
04. Illmatic- Nas (best song: The World is Yours)
03. It Was Written- Nas (best song: The Message)
02. Food & Liquor- Lupe Fiasco (best song: Hurt Me Soul)
01. Below the Heavens- Blu & Exile (best song: The World Is...)


19 by Adele also deserves a mention...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Channel Orange Review

I, as well as probably every other Frank Ocean stan, have listened to nothing but "Channel Orange" since it's iTunes release a little over a week ago [btw, go buy the actual album in stores today. support good music]. I've been a huge Frank fan ever since finding "Nostalgia, Ultra" a year back and then downloading his "Lonny Breaux Collection" mixtape off of Datpiff. If you're looking for the same Frank as you had in Nostalgia, you may be disappointed. There are virtually no parallels between the two albums and it's hard to imagine that they even came from the same artists; Not intending to take away from the sincerity behind songs on Nostalgia, but it's extremely evident after a couple listens through how much more personally meaningful Frank's lyrics are on Channel Orange. Channel Orange tells the story of his teen years and first love. It's a great summer album with lyricism that embodies enough ambiguity to keep listener's attention even the 1,000th time through the project. I loved Nostalgia, Ultra (it's probably one of my top 5 albums of all time), but Channel Orange is a historic piece with more analogous stories and vivid lyricism than I've ever grasped from an album.

My rating: 9/10.

Here's my ratings of each song:

1) "Start" 9/10. Some introductions to mixtapes/albums are really not even introductions, just a jump in to a decent headlining track. Don't get this confused; "Start" is the posterchild for introductions. It's an audible picture of Frank's days as a kid. He is laughing with his friends, and then seems to just be alone by himself as he starts up his PS1. I think this intro did a great job of representing the setting (playstation 1 is fucking ancient), and the mood to the album.

2) "Thinking Bout You" 10/10. To be honest, when I saw this track that released over a year ago was gonna be on his album I was a little bummed. I expected all new songs for me to interpret, not one to which i already knew all the lyrics like the back of my hand. But, I was wrong. The re-mastered version of this track (and the significance of it after reading his note about his first love) added new dimensions to the track, and a greater appreciation for it. The monotonous delivery during his verses contrasted with his unmatched falsetto in the chorus made for a great song, one that even my mom bobs her head to in the car.

3) "Fertilizer" 8/10. This interlude was funny. But I wish it was a full track. It's got a cool like 1960's, The Chordettes-type sound. I also love the line "Fertilizer, i'll take bull shit if that's all you got". Another good metaphor by the kid Frank. However, it seemed oddly pointless and shouldn't have been the third track on the tape.

4) "Sierra Leone" 8/10. This track is extremely chill, and I love the wordplay at the beginning of the track when Frank is seeming to talk through his split-conscience with the "I just ran out of Trojans" followed by "Horses gallop to her throne". I think this song has some levels of creative genius behind it that I haven't yet found out but it still makes for a good track to listen to, with a lulling chorus.

5) "Sweet Life" 9/10. When this song for released as a single, I wasn't crazy about it. However, as i continued to listen to it I grew more and more entranced by the Pharrell-produced  beat and the smooth Frank delivery. It tells the story of a [girl/guy/tranny/idk] who has everything she needs, but continues to search for more, and Frank's frustration with that person. My favorite line and the summary of the song is "Why see the world when you've got the beach?"

6) "Not Just Money" 6/10. pretty stupid interlude.. it seemed pointless and idk the movie it came from. but, it WAS just an interlude so no reason to get too down about it in my rating. it's something that's only 1 minute long so there's no real point in skipping

7) "Super Rich Kids" 9/10. I couldn't help but feel this track was dedicated to Odd Future in general haha. It's the story of wealthy children, and their ever-so-prevailing struggles with life. I think it's cool that Frank acknowledges the upper class woes because it's something you never really hear about. It's easy to talk about the issues that coincide with poverty, but hearing it from a new perspective was also refreshing. Earl's verse is pretty dope too

8) "Pilot Jones" 8/10. Seemingly the song of Frank's infatuation with a fucked up girl, this piece is cool on a couple of levels; one, it adds softness to something rigid and two, i didn't know what a "pilot jones" was lol. I love the symbolism of "you took me high, then you took me home" relating love,drugs, and air travel all into one pool together. I wasn't crazy about the beat.

9) "Crack Rock" 8/10. One of my favorite beats off of the tape. I really like the analogies of the glass home and the crack rock breaking that home. Me, having ZERO experience with hard drugs can't really relate to it all that much though, and i get the vibe that Frank doesn't really relate to it all that much either. It seemed like a bit of a filler song, but it's also one of my favorites to listen to. Weird paradox i know..

10) "Pyramids" 10/10. Both halves of this song are flawless (but I'm a little partial to the second half especially!). This track is super cool and totally negates any thoughts that FRank is flat out gay haha. It tells the story of a woman that Frank loves and used to be able to please very easily, but now he has to work extremely hard for and the love that they make seems fake ("You say its big but you take it.."). I love the beat, the mixing, the lyricism, the metaphor, everything. flawless

11) "Lost" 10/10. This is my favorite song on the album. I'm not saying it's the best, but it's my favorite. Tremendous beat, catchy chorus, and awesome story. There's not any mixed-in ambiguity really with this one, it's just a straight up catchy-ass song which is probably the most radio-ready on the album. It sounds like a 90's rock song, especially with the "luo-luo-looooost" at the end of the song. I could bump this on repeat for a whole day and never tire of it. great

12) "White" 7/10. chill break from the rest of the album, with a smooth guitar solo from John Mayer. Just the fact that he got John Mayer for the track is pretty cool to me, but i love the version of "White" that actually had Frank's singing off of the Odd Future tape. When the tracklist released i was hoping for an extended version of that song, but still the wordless interlude is refreshing.

13) "Monks" 8/10. I love the story in this song as well, relating crazy party moshers at concerts to those monks moshing for peace and freedom. It shows the consistencies throughout the human body and how we all are fighting for something. I am not personally crazy about the beat, but love the chorus. Juxtapose... but it's a really good listen if you listen for lyrics.

14) "Bad Religion" 10/10. This is that raw Frank emotion that is uncanny. I love the setting, with Frank in the back of a Taxi Cab venting to his driver. This song is pretty obviously about his hard times dealing with his first love being a man, not a woman, and how the public would take it. It also talks about how hard it is to love someone whom you know you shouldn't love, and whom can't love you back. What makes this song for me is how much emphasis Frank puts on his words in his delivery, and the allusion to Romeo and Juliet with the cyanide in my styrofoam cup. I loved the performance of this track on Fallon's late night and think it's one of my favorites off the album.

15) "Pink Matter" 10/10. Another classic. The beat starts out extremely mellow, as does Frank's approach to it. The visuals behind this song would be awesome to see and i really hope for a video, because it progresses in intensity throughout. I love the subject matter, and of course Andre 3k kills it with the future. Great track and it's been on repeat for a while now!

16) "Forrest Gump" 6/10. It's catchy, i'll give it that. But i don't think any male Frank fan will listen through this track entirely. He's talking about dude that's been on his mind and is buff and strong and shit like that that  i just don't really care to hear about. I'm fine with Frank's sexuality, and the least bit homophobic, but it's just not something i'd choose to listen to.

17) "End" 10/10. great close