The 30-something-year-old Target customer

Here's a story that may help you regain a morsel of faith in society...

It was a typical Tuesday evening cashiering at Target; consistent lines of customers whom offered some meaningless small-talk to the overgrown kid in a red shirt wearing a bullseye nametag. One woman came through my line with a heaping cart of grocery items, and I refrained from rolling my eyes at her as I saw the three or four customers waiting behind her with only a handful of items (side note: That was something that always peeved me about the retail business--you really get a glimpse into the inconsiderate nature of most consumers. If it were up to me, the order in which a customer could check-out would not only be determined by the time they stepped in line, but also by how many items they have to be scanned. Common courtesy would suggest that you should allow the nice old lady standing behind you with only one item to checkout before you, no?).

This lady was.. unpleasant (euphemism for angry, nasty, rude), but I continued to try to make small-talk as she put more and more cans of soup and tomatoes on my conveyer belt. "Nice weather today, huh?" can usually only conjure up about a 30 second conversation at the most. Finally, I finished scanning her items, as I could sense the customers behind her becoming more and more impatient. Her total was somewhere in the neighborhood of $190, and after she handed me a sweaty glop of coupons from her pocket, the total dropped down around the $180 mark. She looked nervous as she handed me a gift card for $150, leaving a remaining balance of $30 displaying on the screen. She started scratching her head and said, "I don't have enough, I'll be right back" and ran to the ATM on the opposite end of the checkout lanes. I looked behind me to the elongated line of Target guests, and garnered up a meek apology. The 30-something-year-old man who was next up in line, and already had all of his items on the conveyer belt, nudged a little closer to me and said "Hey man, why don't you let me just pay for this woman's stuff, and then we can all get going."

At first, I was shocked, and nervous. This was something that I was sure my store managers and the higher-up corporate executives would frown upon, but I'm kind of soft and not firm around strangers, so I said "Okay, sure." He swiped his card through the machine right as the woman who had ran to the ATM was coming back. She was shell-shocked by the gesture made by this man, and offered him everything under the sun besides sexual favors in return. He refused all of her offers and simply said "Pay it forward, right?"

Right.

I guarantee the few individuals who bared witness to this event will think about the act made by this 30-something-year-old man the next time they are confronted with a similar dilemma. Charitable acts never go unnoticed, and its always enlightening to see that amidst all of the recent tragedies, the recent struggles, the recent deaths, the recent displays of ill intent from humanity, there ARE still good people out there in the world. All you can do is keep your faith that a few of these good people will show their colors to you someday.

-Jack

Review of Chance the Rapper's "Acid Rap"

ACID RAP

Stream/Download HERE

Following the mixtape "10 day," which I held near-and-dear to my heart as the branded album of Summer 2012, Chance the Rapper's "Acid Rap" will most definitely be the album of this summer, as well. To those of you who don't know too much about Chancellor Bennett, the 20-year old Chicagoan is making a name for himself quickly amongst hip hop heads, and his recently released mixtape "Acid Rap" is already being claimed as a CLASSIC by many religious fans.. including me. A release that I had been anticipating for several months, "Acid Rap" is a smoothly-produced, energy-laced project that brings together numerous sounds and genre styles in a seamless manner. This 13-track LP discusses a variety of at-large issues in Chance's life, including nostalgia, drug-use, paranoia, and stardom. Read my track-by-track review, and download/stream the tape while reading for full effect......*IGH* (Chance adlib).

01. "Good Ass Intro" : For me, this was the worst part of the tape (granted, I LOVED the album as a whole). This was a song that I had seen a live performance video for prior to the song actually being released (This performance) and I was entranced by the up-beat energy that Chance displayed while rapping it. Through this video, however, I didn't get a real gage on how over-produced this instrumental is. I feel like there are way too many noises going on that it almost makes the vibe of the track a little corny. There are some memorable lines in this song, and I love Chano's first verse, but in my opinion the song should have ended at the 1:30 mark, and the second verse and extended bridge are just a waste of minutes after that. You know when you used to brace yourself to go into a pool, and decided to take a  baby step in before fully submerging yourself in water? This intro is a swandive into the cold waters, as far as introducing a fanbase to the energy that the rapper will bring goes. I enjoyed the song, but I wouldn't choose to play it again. 

Best line: "Did a ton of drugs and did better than all my alma mater" (flex)

Song Rating: 6/10

02. "Pusha Man": This was a song that I was anticipating the most off of the album, after seeing the Chance Does Acid in Mexico video a few months prior. This song is divided into two VERY DIVERGENT portions, the first of which portrays chance as a drug dealer, and has a very uptempo beat with a catchy chorus that I've tweeted more often than I'm proud to say. After about a 12 second segment of white noise, the beat then transitions into a much more mellow, slower-moving melody, accompanied by Chance's self-reflective and paranoid verses. The second half of this song is incredible. The hook on the second half of this song, meshed with the up-and-down beat is incredible, and this is Chance getting very deep following the first half of the song that seemed a lot less introspective and explanatory. 

Best line: "Somebody will steal daddy's Rolly, and call it the neighborhood Watch"

Song Rating: 9.5/10

03. "Cocoa Butter Kisses": The subject matter of this song is something that we've seen a lot from Chance, especially if you've followed him since 10 day. Chance discusses nostalgia a lot, however this song takes a new turn, portraying nostalgia in a more sentimental and melancholy form, as he's looking back on his innocent days and noticing how much he has changed and fell out of touch with that past. The chorus on this song is extremely catchy, and the two verse features are also awesome; Vic Mensa's verse is possibly the best verse on the whole album, and Twista decided to slow down his pace a little bit and give us some rhymes we can actually decipher. Although the subject matter of this song is a little on the sad side, the instrumental choice definitely contradicts that, and creates a song that can be listened to while alone or while at a party. This is the song that stuck out to me most based off my first listen through.

Best line: "smoke Chloraphyll, til they can't feel shit, shit faced, face this, 15 hits on this El, elevated train, and the craziest thing, got me feeling like Lauryn Hill; miseducated"

Song Rating: 9/10

04. "Juice": My roommate and I had been bumping this song even before it was released as a single and only able to be seen on this video. This is a song that has drawn a lot of attention to Chance, as it really displays his weirdness (for lack of better word) and all of the high-energy that he can bring to a song. Unlike Good Ass Intro however, Juice involved a much smoother and laid back instrumental that works well with Chance's style. This is a song that won't do much for you if you're looking for significant subject matter, but Chano is basically flexing, saying he has the "juice" (power, wealth, respect) in his city and amongst his peers...  which is hard to argue.

Best line: "Jugoooo, you never tasted paper, tripped"

Song Rating: 8/10

05. "Lost": Following the speedy tempo of the last song, Lost takes a step back as Chance takes his...chance... at making a love song. This song consists of my favorite beat, and a tremendous feature from some random female rapper named "Noname Gypsy." Chance's chorus is perfect and first-time listeners get the sense of feeling baffled by how such a strained-voice can produce real pretty melodies in song. I love the vibe of the beat, and the song as a whole, and this is one of those songs that can be played numerous times without becoming old.

Best line: "IGH it made her love it, her pussy like me, her heart like fuck it"

Song Rating: 9.5/10

06. "Everybody's Something": I was amazed that Chance decided to use a beat that sampled J Dilla, but it worked out for the best for everybody involved, as he definitely did justice to the sample. This is possibly the best song off the album, and has a very uplifting message, explaining that everybody has loved ones who want to see them succeed and get through their tough times. What I was most impressed with with this song was the feature... I don't have a clue who "Sabo" is, but he may have topped Chance on the song, which was a hard feat. Chance interestingly enough also discusses how he has battled with being seen as "too white," in the second verse, but contrasts that with his tendencies to misbehave and engage in criminal acts. I really enjoyed the song, and the hook is as catchy as ever. This is a song that everyone from 12 year olds to soccer moms can listen to.

Best line: "Gravity had me in a submission hold, like I'm dancing with the devil with two left feet and I'm pigeon toed"

Song Rating: 10/10

07. "That's Love": This interlude is a nice way to segway between the first half of the LP and what is a very different second half. There are a few catchy lines in this interlude, accompanied by Chance exploiting his ability to sing as well. I really loved the instrumental on this, and it served its purpose.

Best Line: "What's better than leaning and needing a Xan, is hitting your an dreaming a dream could mean leaving the land" 

Song Rating: 8/10

08. "Favorite Song": This is the point in the project where you have to realize Chance is making a MIXTAPE and not an album. The next three songs, each featuring guest verses from well-known emcees, seemed like Chance just trying to get people on to his tape, as he moves off subject from the rest of the LP and just makes some good songs to vibe and party to. I really liked this song when I first saw the live perfomance here , and got even more excited for it when I saw that it would have a guest verse from one of my favorites, Childish Gambino. Gambino disappointed. Chance didn't. It's a good song, and I've danced to it a few times... and I'm white and don't dance unless I'm drunk... but yeah, you'll like this one.

Best Line: "Back to back, backpacking bags back and forth with fifth and Jack"--I'm a sucker for assonance

Song Rating: 8/10

09. "NaNa": When the video for this first released, I was hoping that this wasn't a leak off of Acid Rap; turned out it was. Despite the fact that the song has grown on me a lot since my first listen, I think that this song is entirely pointless and I wasn't super stoked about it, even after seeing Action Bronson had a feature. This beat really bores me, even though I usually like that low bassline. I think Chance's second verse is really great, but Bronson kind of blows him out of the water entirely. This song was basically an excuse to over-adlib and half-ass a chorus.. I wasn't impressed by basically any part of this. I'll listen to it when I'm not sober.

Best Line: "I got a team of hoes like Pat Summit"---i LOLed

Song Rating: 5/10

10. "Smoke Again": I will not accept any criticisms about this song, as it is one of the high points of the whole album. The night of this video dropping, I probably replayed the song about 25 times. I love the chorus, and Chance's little "ooooo oooo ooooo", the first verse and a half of Chance's display a really slow-moving flow, but that's okay. Chance's second verse is the highlight of this, and Ab Soul is always great to hear. I expect even more collabs between these two as they definitely do a good job of accenting eachother's styles. This is a perfect song to play on max volume in the Jetta while driving to the beach. The beat is incredible.

Best line: "lean all on the square; that's a fucking Rhombus"--- don't put lean on your square though.

Song Rating: 9/10

11. "Acid Rain": This song is the most lyrical that I've seen Chance get, and the subject matter is very dark and somber, as he recollects the events and mood memory of witnessing his friend die: "i seen it happen i seen it happen i seen it always, he still be breathing i see his demon in empty hallways," refers to his experience of watching his friend Rod get stabbed. Still haunted by these memories and this gruesome past, Chance seems to be relying on acid to distort the painful memory and help with the suffering. I love the visuals I get with this verse, and the violin on this beat is perfect with the subject matter. Tremendous song, and I've loved it ever since it released early.

Best line: "I trip to make the fall shorter."

Song Rating: 10/10

12. "Chain Smoker": This song is a great way to wrap up the approaching-end of this album. I think that this is my favorite beat and hook, and Chance matches the tempo and mood perfectly, exhibiting a speedy flow contrasted with the slower, heavier, melody that the instrumental displays. Not really sure the subject of this song (or if there is one) but it's a great one to ride to at night. This is one of those songs that I will be playing for the next 5-10 years.

Best line: "Why toss my filter, when she saved my life? Same shit that kills us, always tastes so right"

Song Rating: 9.5/10

13. "Everything's Good": This song, the outro to the project, begins with a phone conversation between Chance and his father which I think serves to make the song, and the whole mixtape, a lot more personable and intimate. This is a good way to wrap up Acid Rap, and the beat switch half way through does an awesome job, too. In all honesty, I love this song when I listen to it, but never CHOOSE to listen to it on my ipod. It's just always a good surprise to come on shuffle. I think many people will enjoy this, and feel a certain excitement towards his next project drop... it's almost like a cliffhanger on a Netflix series. Can't wait to hear what's in store for Chance.

Best line: "I ain't really that good at 'goodnight', I ain't really that bad at sleeping"

Song Rating: 8.5/10 

new year

The first day of 2013 began in a similar fashion as many days have begun over this winter break. I woke up on a friend's couch, patted down my pockets to make sure I had all my necessities, and battled a hangover on my way back home.

Scrolling through my timeline on Twitter, I've seen plenty of resolutions that people have for this 2013. In the past, I've always been able to scribble up some sort of trivial, longevity-lacking resolution such as "stop eating candy," which usually lasts a decent amount of time; I think I laid off Sour Patch Kids until like January  10th last year. This year I don't want to continue with the tradition of setting out half-hearted goals for change.

A lot of vacant time at home leaves a lot of room for thinking. Too much room for thinking. I've been battling with what I want from life, and really still can't come to a conclusive decision. It's hard to imagine that I'm already half-way through my Sophomore year in college; a lot of times, I feel like that same kid that would sneak out of his bedroom window and go egg cars. In hindsight, 2012 was a great year for me. I was a kid with a whole lot of ambition and love in his life. Admittedly, a lot of that has subsided as the pressure of getting good grades becomes increasingly pervasive, and my amount of free-time has dwindled.

In 2013, the only real resolve that I seek, is for something new to come into my life. I don't want to pass up on opportunities, and miss out on undiscovered rewards. As my man Hova said "I'D RATHER DIE ENORMOUS, THAN LIVE DORMANT." It's true. Musically, I want to make an album that even makes me smile. Educationally, I want to become more consumed by the things I'm learning and find real-world application for them. As a human, I want to change someone's life.

I'm excited for what this year has to offer, and I'm anxious to start making these changes. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me throughout 2012, and I look forward to many more years with you all.

Happy new year,

-Jack

the Newtown, Connecticut Tragedy

I realize I'm a little tardy in addressing this tragedy, but it's taken a few days to collect my thoughts. I still can't wrap my head around the reality of a kindergarten classroom being exposed to a gunman. It's something so horrendous that not even Hollywood would dare include it in a movie; yet it happened.

Seeing pictures of the mass-murderer, it's impossible to not question What made him so evil? I don't think we'll ever truly know. The evidence suggests that he found out his mom was going to submit her son into a psychiatric ward, and he found out. In an attempt to evade the inevitable, and make his mom suffer for betraying him, he went to her school that day and struck terror. Is society as a whole okay with letting that be the reason? Is that something we can just shrug off and say "he went crazy....he was insane... his mom should have concealed it better"??

If this was the only case of tragic action being taken in recent history, then maybe. From the Virginia Tech shooting, to the Colorado movie theater shooting, to the Oregon mall shooting, mass murders continue to be taking place in the United States. It's not just the case of one man being crazy, it's not just the case of one loose end not being tied up. More than anything else, this tragedy that occurred in Newtown should suggest to us that society NEEDS change.

We need to change the way we treat and interact  (or fail to interact) with ostracized kids. We need to recognize violent tendencies in our youth, and seek immediate help. We need to remind our loved ones that we still love them. Nobody should feel nervous about going to school, the mall, or a movie. It's insane. Part of me wants to yell "FUCK YOU" to society and to the psychopaths within it that continue to commit these atrocities, but the logical part of me realizes that solves nothing.

I don't want to have to walk through metal detectors on my way to school... I don't envision my children's classrooms being guarded by armed men. My heart is heavy. America doesn't seem to have an answer, other than "BRING GOD BACK INTO THE SCHOOLS," which is an illogical and dividing argument even to a devout Christian like myself. I don't think a lack of God's presence is what altered the path that the Newtown killer traveled upon; I think it was a history of mishaps and maltreatments that brought him to the psychotic level, under which he killed those innocent children.

My prayers have been lackluster and confused these past days. I don't understand God's plans. I don't know how to cope with something so horrific, and I wish it wasn't real life. I send my deepest regards to the families of the lost ones, whom may have moved to the small-town Connecticut community as a means of avoiding conflicts like this. A once pleasant and peaceful city will now forever be tainted by what went down last Friday; it's traumatizing.

It's our humane obligation to ensure that these lives were not lost in vain. Change the way you treat others, reach out to those who seem troubled, and allow room for more people in your heart. I can't promise you that you will save lives by doing so, but I am certain you won't be hurting any.

-Jack

on identity

This post is partially inspired by an Andrew Root lecture.

When looking at people's Bios on Twitter, or About Mes on Facebook, the irrefutable trend is inadequate descriptions of oneself. Most say, "Sophomore at So-and-So University," or "rapper", or "mother", or some vaguely coherent country lyric. More than anything, I think this is reflective upon the fact that most of us don't truly no who we are. We identify ourselves as a being in relation to our location, our profession, our hobbies, or our relations to others.

I'm nearing 20 years old, and I still have no idea who I am. The complexities of my thought process puzzle me daily. This weekend, I heard of an anonymous friend of mine who asked What is Jack even doing with his life? It's a reasonable question.

I can't decisively say what career I want to hold when I'm out of college. I can't really even say what college I will graduate from. A couple weeks ago, I talked to admissions at the U of M about a potential transfer. I don't really know what God has planned for me, and I don't really know what I have planned for myself.

I think all of us struggle with this identity question. Most of our lives, our names have been traced with characteristics that those around us have stenciled into our identities. The polarity of things I've heard about Jack Yakowicz are wide-spread; I've been called everything from "The nicest guy I've ever met," to "the biggest fucking asshole." We're expected to assimilate into these traits that others brand us with.

At the end of the day, I can't pinpoint certain qualities of myself, because everything is relative to how an outsider perceives it. I'm not rushing time, the stars will align and I have the utmost excitement when it comes to my future. It'll be cool to see where my "identity" is in 10 years...

on God

As a kid, God and Santa Claus were one to me. I don't mean that in a blasphemous way, but I believed God to be this sort of super-human, who lived in a distant land, could witness whether I did good deeds or bad ones, and would bring me an occasional gift. Sort of like Santa Claus, no? As I grew older, my concept of my God matured, and also became more personal. I attempted to characterize Heaven. 

When I was seven years old, both my grandpas passed away. Those were the first experiences I had with death, but I was too young to mourn; I was too young to understand, thus the loss of my family members didn't result in any sort of stagnation of my faith life.

My first time questioning my religion was Junior year of high school. How it happened was weird, too. I taught Sunday School at my church, and was running late to my 9:45 class. By that time, the parking lot was already full due to our abnormally large congregation size, so I had to park on a street neighboring the Church's lot. I didn't notice at the time, but when I got out of class and made my way to my car, I saw that I was parked in front of a fire extinguisher. Something I wouldn't have even made notice of had I not seen the piece of loose leaf paper under my windshield wiper. It was a letter from the owner of the house I had parked in front of. The details are a little fuzzy by now, but the letter read something like this: 

Thanks for parking right in front of the fire extinguisher that would keep our children safe in case of danger. That was very Christian of you.

Maybe this was a dramatic note to have received, but I'm sure the reaction of me parking in front of that fire extinguisher was more symbolic of that family's distaste with the church. Christianity is sort of like the giant glass dome that Springfield is enclosed by in the Simpson's Movie (it's 10 pm, the analytic part of my brain is off). When you're on the inside,  you don't really notice the flaws. When you step outside, you're persuaded by the negative opinions towards the religion.

Over the next two years, I lost my grandma, my cousin, and two friends in succession. Death became all the more immanent, and along with other mental and social lapses, I lost touch with God. Here's the thing; when you're going through tough times, you're either looking for salvation or for an outlet. If you feel like things don't get any better over a period of time, you turn to that outlet; I was mad at God, and my prior years in that spiritual trance. I felt somewhat betrayed. 

Shit turned upward for my life, though. Slowly, and surely, God crept back into the foreground of my being. I think like any relationship, a break from religion can sometimes be beneficial. It took those couple rollercoaster years for me to realize how important faith was to me, and the greatest part about it was, that I found out what God meant to me ON MY OWN. I wasn't being forced to go to church services, I wasn't swayed back into Christianity due to a friend, family member, or girlfriend; I just re-established my own faith. 

There's still questions I have, and facets of the World's workings that I don't think I'll ever understand, but I don't need to understand it. It's not for me to comprehend.. I trust I'm on the right path, and I'm staying patient through everything.

-Jack

the good fortune complex

Early morning thoughts after a sleepless night:

For a lot of my life, I've lived through this tunneled concept of reality in which I'm one of the more naturally fortunate people on the world. I've been draped in blessings, and positive circumstances from day one; naturally, I had kind of grown into this beatific way of living-- thinking everything that was handed to me was deserved by me, and anything not granted to me was mine to go get. I never really took time to realize all the work going on behind the scenes that truly provided me with these gifts, and this great life. The toils of my mom and dad, the instructions and guidance of my teachers; the good words from my friends. I've been very humbled lately by some interpersonal, and intrapersonal conflicts. I don't want to elaborate on too much, but I've began to view everything in a different light, and have moved away from those esoteric feelings and towards a newer gratitude and motivational drive.

So here's a few parting words:

You can either face the world as though it owes you something, or you can realize that there are a million people chasing the same thing you desire, and you can put in the work to acquire what it is that you want. One's will is a powerful thing when it's used to it's fullest.

Have a good weekend everybody,

-Jack