I was debating foregoing an appropriate and relevant topic sentence, and saying something like "F^&4 a B%^&#", but i won't.
Ever since i can remember, my mom has told me "girls are just awful, Jack." It's as though she was trying to mold me to be gay... I never really understood how she could hate a group that she was a part of, but throughout my life i've come across many females that hold the same beliefs. I'm constantly hearing you girls bash your own gender, and i don't know if it's a self-loathing thing, jealousy, or just exhaustion from trying to keep up with the socially-indoctrinated roles that women are forced to adopt. I kinda feel bad at times...
Dudes are allowed to go days without shaving, and it's commonplace. Girls go a couple days without shaving and you better know that all of us guys are just staring at your liphair whilst having a conversation with you. I feel bad... I mean, i'm not calling for the de-womanification (yes, i made that word up) of the gender, and i don't advocate hairy women in the least bit (even though some European armpit-haired women are cute.... yes, i'm the dude that admitted that), but i just thought i should recognize the work you guys do.
I've recently noticed myself writing more "love" songs, especially around this time of the year. I don't know, i just think summer and girls go together like pb & J... or matt galloway and his gay little dog (that's payback for hacking my Twitter, btw). I watched an interview of Drake the other day, in which he was confronted about being "soft" and making music solely for women.... he said something that kind of struck a chord with me. He said he "likes to study women." I think i'm probably the same.... I've been with enough girls to know that some of you are WEIRD AS SHIT. But some are also awesome as hell, and have layers behind them that would never be seen to the naked eye (i'm not speaking anatomy wise..).
I guess i didn't have a point to this blog.... It was kinda provoked by the 12 retweets i got on my tweet that said "Sandwich maybe?" 6 of those retweets were girls... haha you're a weird breed. But we love ya
-Jack
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Growing Up
This post was conjured up partially due to my reaction to the Senior 2012 Flash Mob video...
I miss high school. Eastview was an institution that while I was a member of it, i absolutely despised. The place inferiorized even the most beloved athletes and musicians with their bullshit policies and overbearing administration that wouldn't allow the slightest reference to the intake of alcohol on a color day shirt. So, no i don't miss the school. I miss the mentality of being a high schooler... everything was so carefree and liberating. I didn't have to worry about how I was doing financially (maybe that hindered me..) and i didn't have to plan for my career in the least bit. Classes were easy as hell, my friends were tight, and everyone had this stigma that we would stay young forever. I remember the pre-Concordia days prospect of college being a big raincloud over the promises of last summer. I dealt with a breakup that had residual effects lasting at least 6 months after the shit ended. I began to see friendships being eradicated, and adults that i thought were so crucial to my upbringing feel as though i had already been brought up. It's like a kid's mentality towards life is supposed to change right when he graduates from high school. He has to embrace this "Game Face" that seems remarkably unaffected by the vastness of confusion and anxiety that actually embodies the progression he's going through. I was scared shitless; just wasn't allowed to show it.
The truth is, I don't think we ever grow up... there's a difference between growing up and maturing. I've definitely matured from the kid that would rip tags off of frolf disks at Dick's sporting goods and tuck them adjacent to my ballsack as i exited the store without paying. I'm not the same kid that snuck out of his bedroom window to go egg cars on the side of the road with his thirsty-for-rebellion neighbor. I think i have more respect for the world that i live in than i did as a kid growing up. However, i still have the nervous knot in my stomach when i go to pick up a girl i like. I still get shy and blush when someone i sorta-know, sorta-dont know comes through my line at Target. I still miss my mom when i go days without hugging her goodnight. We don't grow up.
But that's a good thing. I picture myself working a white-collar position about 10 years from now, hopefully making triple figures. I still picture myself getting drunk with my friends and playing poker, maybe slipping in a few freestyle sessions. It's healthy to keep fun in your life, no matter the situation. (That being said, shoutout to kids like Leo Lakpa doing summer school and trying to make their education come faster to get on to the real world sooner.) I have the utmost respect for those of you ready to move on from your past, but i'll never be that kid. I hold, near and dear to my heart, the memories i've made over the years with some awesome people and some awesome opportunities my life and my god has provided me with.
I only wish for one thing of my life and that's to never stop being happy and finding fun in the situation i find myself in.
-Jack
I miss high school. Eastview was an institution that while I was a member of it, i absolutely despised. The place inferiorized even the most beloved athletes and musicians with their bullshit policies and overbearing administration that wouldn't allow the slightest reference to the intake of alcohol on a color day shirt. So, no i don't miss the school. I miss the mentality of being a high schooler... everything was so carefree and liberating. I didn't have to worry about how I was doing financially (maybe that hindered me..) and i didn't have to plan for my career in the least bit. Classes were easy as hell, my friends were tight, and everyone had this stigma that we would stay young forever. I remember the pre-Concordia days prospect of college being a big raincloud over the promises of last summer. I dealt with a breakup that had residual effects lasting at least 6 months after the shit ended. I began to see friendships being eradicated, and adults that i thought were so crucial to my upbringing feel as though i had already been brought up. It's like a kid's mentality towards life is supposed to change right when he graduates from high school. He has to embrace this "Game Face" that seems remarkably unaffected by the vastness of confusion and anxiety that actually embodies the progression he's going through. I was scared shitless; just wasn't allowed to show it.
The truth is, I don't think we ever grow up... there's a difference between growing up and maturing. I've definitely matured from the kid that would rip tags off of frolf disks at Dick's sporting goods and tuck them adjacent to my ballsack as i exited the store without paying. I'm not the same kid that snuck out of his bedroom window to go egg cars on the side of the road with his thirsty-for-rebellion neighbor. I think i have more respect for the world that i live in than i did as a kid growing up. However, i still have the nervous knot in my stomach when i go to pick up a girl i like. I still get shy and blush when someone i sorta-know, sorta-dont know comes through my line at Target. I still miss my mom when i go days without hugging her goodnight. We don't grow up.
But that's a good thing. I picture myself working a white-collar position about 10 years from now, hopefully making triple figures. I still picture myself getting drunk with my friends and playing poker, maybe slipping in a few freestyle sessions. It's healthy to keep fun in your life, no matter the situation. (That being said, shoutout to kids like Leo Lakpa doing summer school and trying to make their education come faster to get on to the real world sooner.) I have the utmost respect for those of you ready to move on from your past, but i'll never be that kid. I hold, near and dear to my heart, the memories i've made over the years with some awesome people and some awesome opportunities my life and my god has provided me with.
I only wish for one thing of my life and that's to never stop being happy and finding fun in the situation i find myself in.
-Jack
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
When you see a pretty girl...
So, straight to the story...
It was a usual cart shift at Target today (aside from the cunt child that shat on the floor in the bathroom, forcing me to mop the place and try to contain my vomit). I was in the midst of pushing in a row of about 9 carts from the center of the parking lot, through the middle door that makes a loud "Bang" everytime a cart is forced against it, usually resulting in an Asian woman next to me letting out a surprised "oooo!" But this time was different...
As i was just about to make that familiar "bang" noise against the door, I caught one of the prettiest girls i'd ever seen out of the corner of my eye. The usual Jack thing to do would just be to pretend like i didn't see her and keep pushing the carts, seemingly untainted by her appearance in my peripherals. I was feeling... ballsy, per say. I turned my neck and looked at her, like... deliberately straining myself to make sure she knew i was looking at her, and smiled. She smiled back in that cute way girls do where they can't directly look you in the eyes (the little up-down) and then turned her attention back towards the pavement she was moving forward on; moving away from me and my carts. I could analyze her reaction to me in one of two ways. One (the positive way), she could have been the shy type (like me) that can muster up a smile but doesn't dare to delve deeper towards the potential for spontaneous small-talk, or (more awkwardly) some more "up-downs." Two (the negative way) is that she got weird-ed out and gave the same smile, and then quick staring at the ground, that I give to old, crippled people i catch staring at me in the mall.
Maybe it's this split that has me asking... what else could i have done? When you see a pretty girl, how do you maintain some level of ingenuity and coolness?; enough so you can say something that lets her know you're interested, without letting her know you're interested, and that hints at potential interest without seeming creepy or like every other tool dude that has probably approached such attractive-of-a-girl prior to you two interacting. It's weird..
Honestly, i didn't have the chance to even deliver a "Hey" in the position i was in. I was in the process of pushing in a row of carts up a slanted pavement before nailing a door that doesn't seem like it should be nailed... if i would have tried to make conversation my out-of-breathe voice, and job title that became identifiable to this female, would have suggested i have some sort of mental disorder. Remember, i cleaned human shit off the floor tonight. This was one of those girls that probably is working at Nordstrom, spraying perfume on the wrists of old, rich women. I don't think i will ever impress a girl whilst dressed in red and khakis, pushing carts at the Eagan Target. Wealth isn't power, it is confidence. Confidence that i may be depressingly repressed from, due to my financial situation. The good news... i'm young, and in the future i'm gonna be loooooooaded (Cue Smoke DZA music).
At the end of the day, i got a smile from a pretty girl. We'll leave it at that.
-Jack
It was a usual cart shift at Target today (aside from the cunt child that shat on the floor in the bathroom, forcing me to mop the place and try to contain my vomit). I was in the midst of pushing in a row of about 9 carts from the center of the parking lot, through the middle door that makes a loud "Bang" everytime a cart is forced against it, usually resulting in an Asian woman next to me letting out a surprised "oooo!" But this time was different...
As i was just about to make that familiar "bang" noise against the door, I caught one of the prettiest girls i'd ever seen out of the corner of my eye. The usual Jack thing to do would just be to pretend like i didn't see her and keep pushing the carts, seemingly untainted by her appearance in my peripherals. I was feeling... ballsy, per say. I turned my neck and looked at her, like... deliberately straining myself to make sure she knew i was looking at her, and smiled. She smiled back in that cute way girls do where they can't directly look you in the eyes (the little up-down) and then turned her attention back towards the pavement she was moving forward on; moving away from me and my carts. I could analyze her reaction to me in one of two ways. One (the positive way), she could have been the shy type (like me) that can muster up a smile but doesn't dare to delve deeper towards the potential for spontaneous small-talk, or (more awkwardly) some more "up-downs." Two (the negative way) is that she got weird-ed out and gave the same smile, and then quick staring at the ground, that I give to old, crippled people i catch staring at me in the mall.
Maybe it's this split that has me asking... what else could i have done? When you see a pretty girl, how do you maintain some level of ingenuity and coolness?; enough so you can say something that lets her know you're interested, without letting her know you're interested, and that hints at potential interest without seeming creepy or like every other tool dude that has probably approached such attractive-of-a-girl prior to you two interacting. It's weird..
Honestly, i didn't have the chance to even deliver a "Hey" in the position i was in. I was in the process of pushing in a row of carts up a slanted pavement before nailing a door that doesn't seem like it should be nailed... if i would have tried to make conversation my out-of-breathe voice, and job title that became identifiable to this female, would have suggested i have some sort of mental disorder. Remember, i cleaned human shit off the floor tonight. This was one of those girls that probably is working at Nordstrom, spraying perfume on the wrists of old, rich women. I don't think i will ever impress a girl whilst dressed in red and khakis, pushing carts at the Eagan Target. Wealth isn't power, it is confidence. Confidence that i may be depressingly repressed from, due to my financial situation. The good news... i'm young, and in the future i'm gonna be loooooooaded (Cue Smoke DZA music).
At the end of the day, i got a smile from a pretty girl. We'll leave it at that.
-Jack
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Blessed
If I could say the n-word i would start this post off with a Schoolboy Q lyric. However, to preserve my dignity and any chance I have at making it somewhere in rap... i'll just say i'm blessed.
I hear a lot of bullshit complaints everywhere i go... what twitter might call "#firstworldproblems". So and so dumped me, so and so found a new girl.... even something as trivial as "my fingers hurt." I think partially, people like to stay in this negative funk because they LOVE to have the liberty to complain. My dad is probably pissed right now that the Twins are winning, because he'd rather sit on the couch nightly and bitch about how terrible Gardy's organization is.... i'm gonna try something though. Here are five reasons why I am blessed:
1) I'm alive. This may seem like a cliche or premeditated response, but really its true. I've lost three people near-and-dear to my heart within the last 12 months. All of these people were under 22 years old. When i was a kid, i never thought about death. The prospect of some crazy accident occuring and taking my life never seemed realistic; this year was an eye-opener. I'm very grateful to still be here and have the opportunity to live out my purpose for existing.
2) I come from a good family. Without my family I would be money-less, job-less, and altogether hope-less. Like every other nose-too-high teenager, I've had my periods of time where I've taken my family for granted. That now disgusts me. My mom is the kindest woman i've ever met, my dad can be a dick but has been there for me more than anybody else throughout my life, my brother embodies every brotherly characteristic i could ask of him, and my sister sends me puppy chow when i'm away at school. I wouldn't know how to love if it weren't for these people (insert soundclip of lil wayne's "how to love").
3) My friends. I've had some rough times... i've prevailed each one of them. I think the reason that we people develop friendships is so they can fulfill every role that our family can't. My friends have been the ones who've had my back when conflicts arise, and the ones that i've been able to talk to about shit i'm too embarrassed to tell my folks. They're the ones who kept me going throughout this difficult beginning of the year, and i'm humbled to have gotten to know such an amazing group. Can't really put into perspective the impact that each one of them has played in my life, but i have eternal gratitude to God bringing them to me.
4) My health. I'm kinda lanky... my ears are pretty big.... i flinch when you get towards my nipples. But, i'm healthy. I've actually never even broken a bone. Sometimes i feel guilty about this, cuz i hear horror stories of infants developing leukemia and i legitimately wish i could take their pain away and onto myself. A lot of my family is plagued with both physical and mental diseases and it's hard to watch... but i'm okay. I'm breathing, i'm functioning, and i feel good. Not a day goes by i don't have utter appreciation for that.
5) My future. It's crazy to think that there's nations on this earth that put the chokehold on children being able to dream. I've been told since day one that i can be WHATEVER i wanna be, and i have no doubts whatsoever that that's true. I actually don't even stress about my future in the least bit because i know that wherever i end up, i will be happy, and that the cards will fall where they should. I'm lucky to have such supportive factors in my life, including our democracy, that allows me the freedom to construct the future i want to.
Think about why you're blessed. It's therapeutic to realize how much you have going for you
-jack
I hear a lot of bullshit complaints everywhere i go... what twitter might call "#firstworldproblems". So and so dumped me, so and so found a new girl.... even something as trivial as "my fingers hurt." I think partially, people like to stay in this negative funk because they LOVE to have the liberty to complain. My dad is probably pissed right now that the Twins are winning, because he'd rather sit on the couch nightly and bitch about how terrible Gardy's organization is.... i'm gonna try something though. Here are five reasons why I am blessed:
1) I'm alive. This may seem like a cliche or premeditated response, but really its true. I've lost three people near-and-dear to my heart within the last 12 months. All of these people were under 22 years old. When i was a kid, i never thought about death. The prospect of some crazy accident occuring and taking my life never seemed realistic; this year was an eye-opener. I'm very grateful to still be here and have the opportunity to live out my purpose for existing.
2) I come from a good family. Without my family I would be money-less, job-less, and altogether hope-less. Like every other nose-too-high teenager, I've had my periods of time where I've taken my family for granted. That now disgusts me. My mom is the kindest woman i've ever met, my dad can be a dick but has been there for me more than anybody else throughout my life, my brother embodies every brotherly characteristic i could ask of him, and my sister sends me puppy chow when i'm away at school. I wouldn't know how to love if it weren't for these people (insert soundclip of lil wayne's "how to love").
3) My friends. I've had some rough times... i've prevailed each one of them. I think the reason that we people develop friendships is so they can fulfill every role that our family can't. My friends have been the ones who've had my back when conflicts arise, and the ones that i've been able to talk to about shit i'm too embarrassed to tell my folks. They're the ones who kept me going throughout this difficult beginning of the year, and i'm humbled to have gotten to know such an amazing group. Can't really put into perspective the impact that each one of them has played in my life, but i have eternal gratitude to God bringing them to me.
4) My health. I'm kinda lanky... my ears are pretty big.... i flinch when you get towards my nipples. But, i'm healthy. I've actually never even broken a bone. Sometimes i feel guilty about this, cuz i hear horror stories of infants developing leukemia and i legitimately wish i could take their pain away and onto myself. A lot of my family is plagued with both physical and mental diseases and it's hard to watch... but i'm okay. I'm breathing, i'm functioning, and i feel good. Not a day goes by i don't have utter appreciation for that.
5) My future. It's crazy to think that there's nations on this earth that put the chokehold on children being able to dream. I've been told since day one that i can be WHATEVER i wanna be, and i have no doubts whatsoever that that's true. I actually don't even stress about my future in the least bit because i know that wherever i end up, i will be happy, and that the cards will fall where they should. I'm lucky to have such supportive factors in my life, including our democracy, that allows me the freedom to construct the future i want to.
Think about why you're blessed. It's therapeutic to realize how much you have going for you
-jack
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