Growing Up

This post was conjured up partially due to my reaction to the Senior 2012 Flash Mob video...

I miss high school. Eastview was an institution that while I was a member of it, i absolutely despised. The place inferiorized even the most beloved athletes and musicians with their bullshit policies and overbearing administration that wouldn't allow the slightest reference to the intake of alcohol on a color day shirt. So, no i don't miss the school. I miss the mentality of being a high schooler... everything was so carefree and liberating. I didn't have to worry about how I was doing financially (maybe that hindered me..) and i didn't have to plan for my career in the least bit. Classes were easy as hell, my friends were tight, and everyone had this stigma that we would stay young forever. I remember the pre-Concordia days prospect of college being a big raincloud over the promises of last summer. I dealt with a breakup that had residual effects lasting at least 6 months after the shit ended. I began to see friendships being eradicated, and adults that i thought were so crucial to my upbringing feel as though i had already been brought up. It's like a kid's mentality towards life is supposed to change right when he graduates from high school. He has to embrace this "Game Face" that seems remarkably unaffected by the vastness of confusion and anxiety that actually embodies the progression he's going through. I was scared shitless; just wasn't allowed to show it.

The truth is, I don't think we ever grow up... there's a difference between growing up and maturing. I've definitely matured from the kid that would rip tags off of frolf disks at Dick's sporting goods and tuck them adjacent to my ballsack as i exited the store without paying. I'm not the same kid that snuck out of his bedroom window to go egg cars on the side of the road with his thirsty-for-rebellion neighbor. I think i have more respect for the world that i live in than i did as a kid growing up. However, i still have the nervous knot in my stomach when i go to pick up a girl i like. I still get shy and blush when someone i sorta-know, sorta-dont know comes through my line at Target. I still miss my mom when i go days without hugging her goodnight. We don't grow up.

But that's a good thing. I picture myself working a white-collar position about 10 years from now, hopefully making triple figures. I still picture myself getting drunk with my friends and playing poker, maybe slipping in a few freestyle sessions. It's healthy to keep fun in your life, no matter the situation. (That being said, shoutout to kids like Leo Lakpa doing summer school and trying to make their education come faster to get on to the real world sooner.) I have the utmost respect for those of you ready to move on from your past, but i'll never be that kid. I hold, near and dear to my heart, the memories i've made over the years with some awesome people and some awesome opportunities my life and my god has provided me with.

I only wish for one thing of my life and that's to never stop being happy and finding fun in the situation i find myself in.

-Jack