As the days pass by, the end of summer becomes more and more imminent. I'm happy for that; I think Fargo/Moorhead provides me with a lot more potential for growth than home does. When I was stuck at my register cashiering tonight, I started to think a little bit. I started to think about what I wanted from life, which is a hard concept for an indecisive kid who is considered a Junior in college, yet whose major is still up in the air. I KNOW what I want, but I also know that it will hinder my options in other aspects of my life. Personally, I love entertaining. Music is awesome, and it gives me this rush that no other areas of my existence can facilitate. I also want to start looking for some Amateur Nights at comedy houses and opportunities to get involved in acting (but NO musicals. that shit is the devil). The problem with those kind of fields is that the money is inconsistent, and it's capacity for a family life is unsure. I want a wife and kid and shit later in life, and don't want to sacrifice that plausibility. But here's the thing:
I feel like every adult out there has some sort of pipe dream that they never accomplished. Every dad has some rock band that never made it big, and every mom has some cheerleading career that got stunted due to injury. I don't wanna be like that. I don't ever want to look back and think "god, i wish i could relive those days." I want to be able to say either: a) i DID live those days, and don't want them anymore, or b) i had the opportunity to live those days, and chose a separate route, and I'm happy i did so. I'm a firm believer in the possibility of doing anything I want to with life. It doesn't come down to whether or not you were dealt the right cards, it comes down to how hard you can strive and persevere through adversity to change the momentum of the table.
The problem is time is finite. No matter how long a day may seem (tonight at Target was FUCKING long), time will always end. The end will always come. My cum will find your face. lol *it was funnier in my head* But really, you have to end up making choices. You have to come to an understanding that you don't have forever to decide; but never settle. Same goes to you hot girls out there with dudes that are going nowhere. Don't settle.
Bringing back the song of the day thing.....
"Get No Better"- Clear Soul Forces
alright, night folks
-Jack
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Advice on taking advice, and some other shit
Yesterday, somebody told me "Jack, you always seem like you have your shit figured out."
I ignored my initial reaction of scoffing and saying "the fuck?", and instead decided to decipher how exactly someone could believe something so UNTRUE about me. I think it's this:
The people that act like they have all their shit figured out, are generally the ones that have absolutely no clue; and, vice versa. People could misconstrue me by what they see online; they see an articulate enough guy who seems relatively wise through the advice that he gives. The truth is though, I don't follow all of the advice that I give... every human mind is subject to inferiority by multiple components that interfere with one's better judgement (i.e. love, substance, peer pressure, and one's penis). I've had my share of mishaps and trauma in my life, and have many skeletons in my closet that I fail to bring to the surface with an average acquaintance. Even my best friends rarely know what's plaguing my mind when I tweet suggestive things on Twitter. There are certain personality types that don't like to expose their weaknesses, and sadly--yet self-admittedly-- i fall under that category. Self-conscious folks have to master the control of their mannerisms in order to outlast the urges of their inner insecurities and uncertainties. It's just the way shit works...
And then there's other people that outwardly express how screwed-up their life is, because they are blind to the qualities and potential they possess. Those are the advice-seekers. The fact is though, nobody can really advise you better than yourself. Who knows YOU better than YOU?! God maybe.. that's it. You've dealt with every up and down in your life, even the ones that you've left untold and hidden. So, remarkably no advice is more fitting to your adaptation than your own. I think everyone needs to strive to be a little less dependent..
TOTALLY UNRELATED TOPIC:
Isn't it weird how certain sensory details (sounds, scents, etc.) can bring back weird memories? I was on my iPod today, and shuffled to the song "The End" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I was immediately taken back to last August, when i first heard the song and played it on repeat on my way back from the Casino. I had recently dealt with the death of my cousin, a fairly rough break up, and the anxieties of heading away from home for college. I also lost 200 dollars that night... I think that was the all-time low of my life thus far, and the song kind of coincided with that feeling. However, today i just kind of smiled while it started playing during my workout. I've made it so far in a 10 month span, and I'm genuinely proud of the person I've matured to. By the way, that song is crazy chill and I'd definitely suggest it for those who haven't heard...
Alright, bye
-Jack
I ignored my initial reaction of scoffing and saying "the fuck?", and instead decided to decipher how exactly someone could believe something so UNTRUE about me. I think it's this:
The people that act like they have all their shit figured out, are generally the ones that have absolutely no clue; and, vice versa. People could misconstrue me by what they see online; they see an articulate enough guy who seems relatively wise through the advice that he gives. The truth is though, I don't follow all of the advice that I give... every human mind is subject to inferiority by multiple components that interfere with one's better judgement (i.e. love, substance, peer pressure, and one's penis). I've had my share of mishaps and trauma in my life, and have many skeletons in my closet that I fail to bring to the surface with an average acquaintance. Even my best friends rarely know what's plaguing my mind when I tweet suggestive things on Twitter. There are certain personality types that don't like to expose their weaknesses, and sadly--yet self-admittedly-- i fall under that category. Self-conscious folks have to master the control of their mannerisms in order to outlast the urges of their inner insecurities and uncertainties. It's just the way shit works...
And then there's other people that outwardly express how screwed-up their life is, because they are blind to the qualities and potential they possess. Those are the advice-seekers. The fact is though, nobody can really advise you better than yourself. Who knows YOU better than YOU?! God maybe.. that's it. You've dealt with every up and down in your life, even the ones that you've left untold and hidden. So, remarkably no advice is more fitting to your adaptation than your own. I think everyone needs to strive to be a little less dependent..
TOTALLY UNRELATED TOPIC:
Isn't it weird how certain sensory details (sounds, scents, etc.) can bring back weird memories? I was on my iPod today, and shuffled to the song "The End" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. I was immediately taken back to last August, when i first heard the song and played it on repeat on my way back from the Casino. I had recently dealt with the death of my cousin, a fairly rough break up, and the anxieties of heading away from home for college. I also lost 200 dollars that night... I think that was the all-time low of my life thus far, and the song kind of coincided with that feeling. However, today i just kind of smiled while it started playing during my workout. I've made it so far in a 10 month span, and I'm genuinely proud of the person I've matured to. By the way, that song is crazy chill and I'd definitely suggest it for those who haven't heard...
Alright, bye
-Jack
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Change
Change is inevitable...
I think people fantasize the possibility that they're different. Others change, but I'm an anomaly. Relationships change, but we won't. That's not true...
Any absence from a place or group of people will alter your perception.
I think i've grown a lot as an individual this year, and get all-too upset when I come back home and see some of my friends on the same shit that I matured from. That's not fair of me...
I don't like coming home much anymore, though. I kind of just want to move the fuck out of Minnesota. I want to finish school and then just find my life elsewhere..
I used to be afraid of change, transition, and growth. Now i embrace it... I love meeting new people, and sometimes find myself bored with the old ones.... don't get me wrong, i love my friends. It's just hard to fathom that ALL life has to offer for me resides in the Minnesota boundaries. Think about it...
Some kids think they've found their "soulmate." It was the girl/guy they went to elementary school with...
We have only been exposed to about 1/100000000 of what the world has to offer (i made up that stat, cunt), so how can people rest assured that they've found their niche. I wanna travel the world, try new things, meet new people, find a home, find a happiness, and settle THEN.
Nobody wants a normal life, ideally, but many settle for one.
Break out of your fucking box
-Jack
Thursday, June 7, 2012
"Be Smart About It"
On innumerable occasions, I have been told "Jack, be smart about it." It's about the most common advice I receive at the Casino, and towards my love life. Here's the problem...
Being "smart" about it has become synonymous for being conservative with it. Being "smart" about it limits the potential for the unexpected, because it eradicates the relationship between risk-reward. Being "smart" about it means being safe. It means being pussy... I'm sorry.
Here's my equation for "being smart about it" : If your decision to choose the safe route exonerates the ability for a reward that is GREATER than the risk you are about to delve in to, you are NOT being smart. You are exemplifying cowardice and embracing dormancy. I hate the phrase "be smart about it," because it stands under all of the wrong principles.
So, am I actually smart? To be honest, no.
I choose the safe route far too often, which has both been a gift and a curse to me. I mean, I'm alive. But, I'm far less successful than my capability allows me to be. I'm smart in school, but not yet smart in life.
It's time to be smart about shit; it's time to take risks, and time to allow something new to come into my life.
-Jack
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Date and Time
Weird deep thoughts tonight..
I don't understand how people so often get rattled by the truism "if something is meant to be, it will." Think about it, it is a fool-proof, somewhat cop-out of a statement for validation. If time is perceived as linear, we are currently on a certain notch of our visualized timeline right now. I'm in between my 19th and 20th notch, each notch symbolizing how many years I've "lived" (the socially-adapted definition of the world 'lived' of course). That means that the timeline is perceivable by NO mortal forces, yet can still be perceived. We just don't get to see the full timeline until we die. We can jump back notches on the timeline by visiting our memory's database. Whether we can jump forward in time is inconclusive, though... The argument to BEING able to move forward through time is the extraordinary sensation of 'deja vu.' At times we feel as though we have lived a certain moment before, and maybe we have... we'll never know how to distinguish the sensation with something like virtualization or our mind reenacting pieces of various settings and conflicts that have taken place over the length of our prior lives. But, like all you women quote on Twitter, if something is meant to happen it DOES. I work at Target. Therefore, I was meant to work there. I was meant to interact with elderly women who come through my check-out line, I was meant to bring in carts, I was even meant to clean human shit off the floor.
Think about all of the places in the world you could be living in right now...
What if your parents didn't decide to fuck on that Valentine's day, they waited until Christmas instead. You were born in a different year, and were put in a different grade level for school. You made friends with a different group, you dated a different girl, you landed a different job. It's hard to NOT believe that here is the existence of multiple other spectrums in time in which all the possible scenarios that YOU have gone through, have been altered a little bit. Every single decision you have made has put you in the place you were at. Any small decision, even to drink Orange Juice three minutes later than you did on September 10th, 2005, would change you somehow. It would change the way the Earth and it's people coexisted.
I'm happy where I'm at, but also aware of where I could be.
Sorry for the cryptic ass post.
-Jack
I don't understand how people so often get rattled by the truism "if something is meant to be, it will." Think about it, it is a fool-proof, somewhat cop-out of a statement for validation. If time is perceived as linear, we are currently on a certain notch of our visualized timeline right now. I'm in between my 19th and 20th notch, each notch symbolizing how many years I've "lived" (the socially-adapted definition of the world 'lived' of course). That means that the timeline is perceivable by NO mortal forces, yet can still be perceived. We just don't get to see the full timeline until we die. We can jump back notches on the timeline by visiting our memory's database. Whether we can jump forward in time is inconclusive, though... The argument to BEING able to move forward through time is the extraordinary sensation of 'deja vu.' At times we feel as though we have lived a certain moment before, and maybe we have... we'll never know how to distinguish the sensation with something like virtualization or our mind reenacting pieces of various settings and conflicts that have taken place over the length of our prior lives. But, like all you women quote on Twitter, if something is meant to happen it DOES. I work at Target. Therefore, I was meant to work there. I was meant to interact with elderly women who come through my check-out line, I was meant to bring in carts, I was even meant to clean human shit off the floor.
Think about all of the places in the world you could be living in right now...
What if your parents didn't decide to fuck on that Valentine's day, they waited until Christmas instead. You were born in a different year, and were put in a different grade level for school. You made friends with a different group, you dated a different girl, you landed a different job. It's hard to NOT believe that here is the existence of multiple other spectrums in time in which all the possible scenarios that YOU have gone through, have been altered a little bit. Every single decision you have made has put you in the place you were at. Any small decision, even to drink Orange Juice three minutes later than you did on September 10th, 2005, would change you somehow. It would change the way the Earth and it's people coexisted.
I'm happy where I'm at, but also aware of where I could be.
Sorry for the cryptic ass post.
-Jack
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
20 Questions
Lately I've been feeling like I'm playing a round of 20 Questions . For those that aren't familiar with the toy aisle at Target, 20 Questions is a pocket-sized electronic game in which you think of a tangible object, and the screen flashes up with 20 different questions. You answer each question with a "Yes" "No" or "Sometimes" and the game tries to guess the object you are thinking of. SPOILER ALERT: the game was not developed by the porn industry, thus does not have the answer "penis" "vagina" "clitoris" "testicles" or anything of that nature in its database (buzzkill, i know).
I don't know why, but I have become particularly irritated the last couple days by feeling like I constantly need to explain myself to random people through their (sometimes deprecatingly asked) questions. In the words of Kanye, "that's that shit i don't like." I don't consider myself a deviously secretive person at all, but the level of monotony in people's questions (even as trivial a question as "How was your first year at school?!") has begun to annoy. So... I'm gonna play a game of 20 questions with myself. Partially, so you guys will stop badgering me... partially, because I miss Formspring. These questions both include shit that i HAVE been asked the last week or so, and shit that i just made up because i needed to fill the void of the remaining questions. Here we go punks..
1. Who do i like? Nobody. Glad that's out of the way..
2. Why do i seem so angry in my tweets? Mainly because when i tweet, i don't intend to be orating to an audience. Like, if the 1,000 followers of mine were in a gymnasium and i had to give a speech, i would NOT talk about stuff like..pooping. haha, I mean i think i just forget that people actually read the shit i post, mainly i just tweet to vent. Sort of like my blog... sorry if i offend you guys with my tweets.
3. Do i still talk to my ex? Yeah, from time to time. We're civil and i still think very highly of her, she's tight!
4. Why do i want to get a tattoo? One, because I've dealt with a lot of deaths of people that are close to me this year. Two, (and less importantly), because I think they look cool. Maybe that's vain of me, but it's the truth.
5. Who are my subtweets about? Probably you, if you think it is.
6. Why do i want to quit music? It is extremely tiresome and is giving me a bad persona. People think i'm a dick because of some of the music i make, and i don't like that. I'm a nice guy, with a good family that was raised well, and i don't intend to portray myself in any other manner. Once again, sorry.
7. Am i okay? Yeah. I'm awesome
8. How many people have i had sex with? One... unless you count head as sex, too. Haha
9. Who am i hooking up with right now? My hand
(brief interlude, i am not fabricating these questions. I'm going through my inbox on my phone and reanswering them haha.. you guys are weird)
10. Why do i still like the Twins? Total truth, the Twins are as much a part of summer to me as beach volleyball and hanging with friends. They keep me morale up, even when they're losing, because i love em.
11. What's the best song off of "Thomas Lake Mixtape"? track number 4. It's called "Lifted" and Sean features in it.
12. How do i feel about one-night stands? I mean, i don't know. Maybe i'm a puss, but i wouldn't have sex with someone i just met for one night ya kno? But like, other shit has and will go down, and it's fine. College
13. Am i drunk? No
14. What am i even scared of? Tangible: sharks. Intangible: dying and not telling my friends and fam beforehand that i love them.
15. Why is this my last summer at home? Because I will have a house up at Moorhead next year. Also, because i wanna start my life on my own.
(another interlude... that concludes the questions that i have gotten through text, now im gonna make up my own shit. hellllllyeah)
16. What's my favorite color? Green. So all you green eyed girls are very susceptible to winning my heart.
17. Where was i born? Ann Arbor, MI.
18. Where do i wanna live when i'm older? Cali.
19. What's my dream job? Manage a recording studio/label.
20. What's my favorite food? Tacos. Yakos tacos.
Yeah, i know those last five were gay.
I hope this shuts you guys up a little bit
-Jack
I don't know why, but I have become particularly irritated the last couple days by feeling like I constantly need to explain myself to random people through their (sometimes deprecatingly asked) questions. In the words of Kanye, "that's that shit i don't like." I don't consider myself a deviously secretive person at all, but the level of monotony in people's questions (even as trivial a question as "How was your first year at school?!") has begun to annoy. So... I'm gonna play a game of 20 questions with myself. Partially, so you guys will stop badgering me... partially, because I miss Formspring. These questions both include shit that i HAVE been asked the last week or so, and shit that i just made up because i needed to fill the void of the remaining questions. Here we go punks..
1. Who do i like? Nobody. Glad that's out of the way..
2. Why do i seem so angry in my tweets? Mainly because when i tweet, i don't intend to be orating to an audience. Like, if the 1,000 followers of mine were in a gymnasium and i had to give a speech, i would NOT talk about stuff like..pooping. haha, I mean i think i just forget that people actually read the shit i post, mainly i just tweet to vent. Sort of like my blog... sorry if i offend you guys with my tweets.
3. Do i still talk to my ex? Yeah, from time to time. We're civil and i still think very highly of her, she's tight!
4. Why do i want to get a tattoo? One, because I've dealt with a lot of deaths of people that are close to me this year. Two, (and less importantly), because I think they look cool. Maybe that's vain of me, but it's the truth.
5. Who are my subtweets about? Probably you, if you think it is.
6. Why do i want to quit music? It is extremely tiresome and is giving me a bad persona. People think i'm a dick because of some of the music i make, and i don't like that. I'm a nice guy, with a good family that was raised well, and i don't intend to portray myself in any other manner. Once again, sorry.
7. Am i okay? Yeah. I'm awesome
8. How many people have i had sex with? One... unless you count head as sex, too. Haha
9. Who am i hooking up with right now? My hand
(brief interlude, i am not fabricating these questions. I'm going through my inbox on my phone and reanswering them haha.. you guys are weird)
10. Why do i still like the Twins? Total truth, the Twins are as much a part of summer to me as beach volleyball and hanging with friends. They keep me morale up, even when they're losing, because i love em.
11. What's the best song off of "Thomas Lake Mixtape"? track number 4. It's called "Lifted" and Sean features in it.
12. How do i feel about one-night stands? I mean, i don't know. Maybe i'm a puss, but i wouldn't have sex with someone i just met for one night ya kno? But like, other shit has and will go down, and it's fine. College
13. Am i drunk? No
14. What am i even scared of? Tangible: sharks. Intangible: dying and not telling my friends and fam beforehand that i love them.
15. Why is this my last summer at home? Because I will have a house up at Moorhead next year. Also, because i wanna start my life on my own.
(another interlude... that concludes the questions that i have gotten through text, now im gonna make up my own shit. hellllllyeah)
16. What's my favorite color? Green. So all you green eyed girls are very susceptible to winning my heart.
17. Where was i born? Ann Arbor, MI.
18. Where do i wanna live when i'm older? Cali.
19. What's my dream job? Manage a recording studio/label.
20. What's my favorite food? Tacos. Yakos tacos.
Yeah, i know those last five were gay.
I hope this shuts you guys up a little bit
-Jack
Monday, June 4, 2012
Where I Stand with Music
I get kind of embarrassed when adults and/or people i don't know tell me they've heard my music. The reason is mainly because humans only hear what they want to or (more importantly) DON'T want to hear. Parents only hear the swear words, for example. It's like bad language is a barrier to the discovery of content or purpose for adults. I don't know, it's hard for me to try to really grasp the emotion I seek to grasp with music when my available dialect is limited. What do I say when i'm mad? "FUCK!!" It shouldn't be a taboo word to bring up during artistic expression, in my honest opinion. That being said, the reality is that society isn't ready to take rap for what it is, because there is so many negative aspects of life that rap encompasses, too. Violence, crime, drugs/alcohol... all shit that ALL of us will be exposed to, but that none of us are really comfortable talking to our parents about. Well.. my parents hear my music.
This leaves me in a weird position. I've always prided myself on keeping only truth in my music, but by doing so, i'm exposing things that certain people that keep me in high regards, such as my parents, aren't comfortable hearing. So, is one expected to "keep it real" or fabricate (and/or keep out certain details) in order to not offend. I don't have an answer...
What i do know is that pursuing a rap career, and maintaining a normal family life are not synonymous. And, if and WHEN i'm forced to choose between the two, i'm gonna sacrifice music in order to have that normal life. So, like, this potential Rhymesayers connection is really awesome and extremely flattering for me, but i don't think i'm as deserving (nor wanting) of it as others... Music as merely a way for me to get rid of some of my angst at the current time. Do i think i'm good? No better than anyone else... I make music that appeases my own interests. Lil' B makes music that appeases his own interests... Nobody is good, nobody is bad. They just are.
So, my music "career" as unsuccessful it was, by MOST of your standards (not mine), is hitting the decrescendo pretty soon here. It was an awesome chapter in my life, but I have a ton of more important shit in life to focus on, and i'm happy with that. I've loved the joy music has brought me and the feedback that you guys have gave me. I hope i've been able to bring some joy to you guys too...
Anyways, I still have "The Thomas Lake Mixtape" coming out pretty soon, which i hope you guys will like. It was super fun to write, because it took me back to a lot of good pre-teen memories; a lot of times i cherish dearly. It's a 17 song project (i currently have 13 songs completed). I'm hoping to make a video or two for it too, but they might not release until after the actual project. So, here's my question for you guys.... out of the available titles for songs, tell me which one you want for me to release?!!!:
Needle Drop, Vibe To It, Kinestethics Remix, Sun Will Rise, Gradual, Love Til September, General Custer.
Whichever title gets the most love, i will release the track at some point this week.
Wednesdays w/ Jack this week: All Of The Lights.
thanks for reading
-Jack
This leaves me in a weird position. I've always prided myself on keeping only truth in my music, but by doing so, i'm exposing things that certain people that keep me in high regards, such as my parents, aren't comfortable hearing. So, is one expected to "keep it real" or fabricate (and/or keep out certain details) in order to not offend. I don't have an answer...
What i do know is that pursuing a rap career, and maintaining a normal family life are not synonymous. And, if and WHEN i'm forced to choose between the two, i'm gonna sacrifice music in order to have that normal life. So, like, this potential Rhymesayers connection is really awesome and extremely flattering for me, but i don't think i'm as deserving (nor wanting) of it as others... Music as merely a way for me to get rid of some of my angst at the current time. Do i think i'm good? No better than anyone else... I make music that appeases my own interests. Lil' B makes music that appeases his own interests... Nobody is good, nobody is bad. They just are.
So, my music "career" as unsuccessful it was, by MOST of your standards (not mine), is hitting the decrescendo pretty soon here. It was an awesome chapter in my life, but I have a ton of more important shit in life to focus on, and i'm happy with that. I've loved the joy music has brought me and the feedback that you guys have gave me. I hope i've been able to bring some joy to you guys too...
Anyways, I still have "The Thomas Lake Mixtape" coming out pretty soon, which i hope you guys will like. It was super fun to write, because it took me back to a lot of good pre-teen memories; a lot of times i cherish dearly. It's a 17 song project (i currently have 13 songs completed). I'm hoping to make a video or two for it too, but they might not release until after the actual project. So, here's my question for you guys.... out of the available titles for songs, tell me which one you want for me to release?!!!:
Needle Drop, Vibe To It, Kinestethics Remix, Sun Will Rise, Gradual, Love Til September, General Custer.
Whichever title gets the most love, i will release the track at some point this week.
Wednesdays w/ Jack this week: All Of The Lights.
thanks for reading
-Jack
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